


New heart

by Feenaa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Broken Harry, Harry is sick, Louis being soft, M/M, Medical Conditions, Old Friends, Old Love, Sad Louis Tomlinson, Sickfic, True Love, english is not my first language, harry loves louis so much, louis taking care of harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:21:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23744488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenaa/pseuds/Feenaa
Summary: Louis is  an intern in unversity hospital, he works hard, he loves his jobHarry is his old friend, his first love, and now a new heart patient who is waiting for a new heart.How its gonna work? will Louis save him? can Louis save him?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 38
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

Louis Tomlinson was young Doctor and new intern in university college hospital in London. he was handsome at his mid twenties with blue eyes and feathery brown hair. He was funny and cheerful person and with beautiful character. 

He has just finished unpacking his boxes that were resting there at his corner of his new room for six months now. Ever since he moved in he didn't find the time or the mood for doing this. So at this day he finally did the job and wanted to celebrate himself. 

His door room was suddenly opened, and another guy entered, he had a Hazel eyes and amazing face bone structure, his hair was dark and long, his eyes were smiley 

“ have you finished mate?” he asked impatiently. 

Louis looked at his empty boxes, he smiled proudly at himself “ finally..”

The hazel eyed man said carelessly “ fine.. let’s go eat.”

He left the room, and Louis had to follow, he was starving himself

The other guy said “ you drive..”, and he tossed the keys to him. He looked exhausted and Louis didn't even have to know why. 

Louis sighed “ fine Zayn.. let’s go.”

They together left their small flat, yes they were flat mates, best friends, hospital colleague, nearly they were brothers. So basically Louis knew Zayn by the heart. And right now Zayn was so grumpy and hungry so Louis wouldn't let him keep waiting. 

Louis and Zayn entered the nearest restaurant , and they ordered immediately and once the food was on the table , they ate it without talking to each other, without saying a word. the boys were really hungry and really exhausted, and now they were really sleepy,  
Zayn finally said after finishing his plate 

“ Liam is coming.”

Louis was closing his eyes resting his head at the back of the chair, his became alerted “ where.. here?”

Zayn putting his phone on the table

“ yeah.. he says Niall is going to some party and he wants to go with him, shall we go?”

Louis stretched his body, every muscle actually ached “ you go I need to sleep.. I have latnight shift anyway.”

ZaYn surprised “ you do?”

Louis nodded “ yes. you go I will be okay. I know you love party.” then he almost laughed, Zayn was anything but a party person

Zayn snorted “ yeah.. right.”

“ you should go, parties can be sometimes fun without her. you know Gigi wouldn’t mind.”

Zayn nodded “ she wouldn’t.. but I'm fine"

Louis stood up “ think about it. I will go to bathroom and you should go to the party.. I think having some fun wouldn’t kill actually.”

Zayn just nodded  
******  
Louis walked to the bathroom. 

After washing his hand, his phone rang, he put it out from his pocket, and it was his sister, he was leaving the bathroom answering his phone, when he crashed violently with someone, and they both almost fell. 

Louis's phone was on the floor smashed completely, the one that Louis crashed with leaned on the floor, and took the phone, he was looking at it

“ I'm so sorry.. oh my God!! I can fix it for you.”

Louis took the phone from the man smiling

“ no.. no it’s my fault.”

“ no , no I wasn’t looking. I'm sorry.” the man said still looking at the phone with panicked eyes and trembling hands 

Louis looked at him and he got shocked, he gasped saying  
“ Harry?”

The man Harry looked back at Louis, and his eyes opened widely  
“ oh My God!! Louis?? Louis Tomlinson? ” he laughed “ what are you doing here?”

Louis smiled wide “ I live here now. what about you? "

Harry was still smiling wide, he had dimples and his smile was something else. Just the way Louis remembered “ me too..” his dimples were making holes in his cheeks, those dimples Louis always admired 

Harry said opening his arms “ come here..” and he hugged Louis very tightly and so did Louis

Louis then looked at him “ you have changed Harry..”

He had Long hair now and he got rid of those beautiful curls that covered most of his face. He also lost weight, like a lot but he got taller, more manly, but he was still handsome and attractive as always 

“ so do you. of course we've changed.. it has been like  
what? eight years? yeah?”

Nine, Louis counted them, there were nine years 

“ yeah.. maybe.” he answered with a soft smile. He was still taken back by seeing Harry again. They were really close friends and seeing an old friend suddenly always brings the memories and puts you at a different place. 

“ so.. what do you do now?” Harry asked 

Louis smiled “ I am a doctor now Harry.”

“ wow..” Harry said with huge eyes that showed how impressed and excited he was 

“ what about you?” Louis couldn't hide his smile 

Harry shook his head and waved his hand “ I am still studying.. but I am a singer.”

Louis looked at him confused “ you are?”

Harry nodded making a serious face, he tried to keep it but he failed, eventually he laughed

“ no, I wish . not really.. but I sing at this exact restaurant, if you want to hear me. just come here at the evening.”

Louis smiled at that, he remembered how much he lived Harry's voice, he remembered how big the dreams Harry had for his singing dream “ I would love to..”

“ i would love to sing for you Louis, You know like old days..” Harry said smiling softly 

Louis nodded , but he didn’t talk, he just looked down. Because although he lived those memories they still hurt 

“ are you here alone?”

Louis shook his head “ no.. no my friend Zayn is actually waiting for me.. come and say hi..”

Harry nodded happily , and together they headed towards the table

When Zayn saw them he was confused at the start he looked between Louis and Harry waiting for any explanation 

Louis started “ Zayn. this is Harry Styles he is an old friend. we went to same school back home ”

Harry reached his hand for Zayn politely “ nice to meet you.”

Zayn handshake him, but he was still looking at him confused, he narrowed his eyes trying to remember something 

“ nice to meet you Harry.. have we met before?”

Harry shook his head thinking “ have you come here before for late dinner?”

Louis smiled explaining “ he sings here at the night.”

Zayn nodded but was still thinking “ this is amazing.. but no.. never.. I don’t know I feel I have seen you before.”

Harry just shook his head and looked down "I don't think so" 

Zayn looked at Louis and decided to let go, Zayn always had a bad memory and he never tried to make it better “ okay.. I have to go. Liam is waiting for me outside”

Louis smiled and said “ you are going?”

Zayn shrugged, and collected his stuff “ I have no other choice.. you are going back to the hospital and my shift starts in the morning ”

Louis patted his shoulder “ have a good time for both of us then"

Zayn nodded and smiled, he grabbed his jacket “ I will..”

Then he looked at Harry “ nice to meet you Harry.”

Harry who was watching them without talking smiled and waved him goodbye. 

When Zayn left, Harry looked at Louis and said cheerfully “ so.. what if I buy you a drink?”

And Louis couldn't say no to Harry, he missed him so much , and he wanted to catch up, he wanted to know everything that happened during those nine years, why did he left this way at first place? And why he never tried to communicate again.  
*****

They spent the whole two hours catching up, they talked about the families, about Gemma, and all Louis's sisters, Harry remembered the girls, he loved them, and Louis was sure that they loved him back. They also talked about Anne , and when Louis told him that Jay had died, Harrt cried, it took them five minutes to calm him down. 

They talked about college, Harry was studying arts, and Louis was so interested in this. Okay maybe he wasn't a singer with a band like he used to be but he was still an artist. 

They talked about Louis hospital and his work hours, and how much it was exhausted, but they never talked about the things Louis needed to know. 

Finally Louis looked at his watch, and Harry frowned  
“ are you leaving already?”

Louis sighed and stood up “ I have to, but .. we will meet again yeah?"

Harry nodded standing too, but he put his hand on the table to steady himself and his face turned pale for a small second" sure.. sure..”

Louis noticed, he asked with examining doctor eyes “ you are okay?”

Harry smiled and looked at him “ of course.. “ then he looked at the broken phone on the table “ let me fix it for you"

Louis smiled and took the phobe “ I said no.it was my fault.”

He wore his jacket, and then he looked at Harry “ I am really happy Harry to see you again, I still can't believe this could ever happened ”

Harry shook his head in disbelief too“ yeah.. I know.me too..”

“ so.. see you around. I would ask for your number. ..but “ he shrugged holding his phone

Harry smiled “ no problem. you know where to find me..”

Louis smiled “ see you soon.”

Harry nodded, and then Louis left, but he didn’t know, he would see Harry really soon, sooner than he could imagine. 

******  
At the hospital, Louis was going to examine the patient at room four, the nurse gave Louis the chart. She jsyt wake him up and he really needed some sleep, but duty calls right? 

The chart said male, early twenties, having a chest pain, also he is a heart patient, he was waiting for a new heart , and Louis noticed he was admitted two days before, and Zayn checked him. 

Louis entered the room still reading the chart for any more info that could help. The reason he was admitted before and what exactly happened.

He looked at the patient to start the regular conversation he always did with patients but he got frozen in his place. Hia mouth was opened but no words came out, because the one who sitting on the hospital bed, with eyes closed and with rigid breathing was the one and only

Harry styles


	2. Chapter 2

Louis looked at the chart in his hand, at the name, he never cared for names when it came to patients, because for him they were only patients and nothing more. and here it was Harry styles. 

He looked at Harry who was lying on the bed, with eyes closed, he looked very pale and exhausted, his lips turned blue and lost its pinkish colour that he left few hours ago. beside him was a nurse taking his blood pressure. he was pressing two finger at the middle of his chest in order to distract his growing pain. 

“ his blood pressure is okay.. he fainted during his work, his friend brought him here but he is awake now. he has dilated cardiomyopathy and he planted an ICD “ the nurse explained the case regularly 

Louis was still looking at Harry, he was still shocked.  
Harry now opened his eyes and looked at Louis, and for a second his heart literally stopped, if he could get more pale he would. he opened his mouth to speak but he got nothing out of his mouth, the look on his facr explained how also shocked he was. 

Louis instead finally smiled “ we met sooner than we could plane"

Harry finally smiled too and nodded his head, Louis felt awful, he actually felt sad, he knew what dilated cardiomyopathy means, he knew how severe Harry’s condition was, and since he was waiting for a heart transplant , so his case was already bad. 

Louis looked back at the chart to hide his pain, and to fake a strong face he always wore with patients like Harry, young and attractive but also suffering from life threatening disease.

Harry said breathlessly “ hi Louis.”

The nurse looked between them, then she asked Louis  
“ you know each other doctor Tomlinson.”

He looked at her and smiled “ it’s okay. you can leave Ivy I will call you if I need anything.”

She looked back at Harry, and smiled softly at him then she gave Louis the other chart, and she left. 

Louis looked back at the chart, he again checked everything with his eyes, he knew Harry was still staring at him, and for a minute he felt nervous. 

He finally looked at Harry “ what happened?”

Harry took a deep breath that obviously hurt while Louis put his stethoscope on Harry’s chest, and then on his back, he winced when he heard this abnormal heart rhythms, but he had to keep calm. 

Harry didn’t talk, he just closed his eyes and Louis figured he was in pain,  
“ chest hurts?” Louis asked 

Harry was still closing his eyes , he nodded, “ but it’s getting better.”

Louis sat beside him on the chair, Harry sighed and looked at him  
“ it’s nothing new. I just fainted and my co-workers got worried that’s all.”

Louis nodded then he looked again at the chart trying to run those eyes “ did you receive a shock before you passed out?”

Harry was thinking then he shrugged, Louis nodded “ okay.. we need to do some blood test.”

Harry didn't talk, he kept watching louos, Louis felt trapped in his thoughts, he needed to know how could this happen, and when, and how bad it was. 

He finally looked at Harry and he knew he couldn't hide how sad he was “ when did you know?”

Harry was still looking at him, he tried to smile “ oh.. long time ago. I guess it happened when I turned eighteen. Yeah my first surgery was when I turned eighteen and I came out of it with a device in my heart. but it’s okay.. really” 

It was not okay.. Really 

Louis nodded, he understood Harry was trying to be strong, maybe he was strong, maybe he got used to this, to hospitals and doctors wondering about his condition. Louis remembered when they were younger Harry always suffered from health problems 

“ you always suffered from bad asthma..”

Harry nodded and he smiled again “ wasn’t asthma.. the wheezing and the shortness of the breath were because my heart, but we didn't know at that time"

“ I am so sorry Harry..”

Harry shook his head “ no, no , please, don’t feel sorry for me Lou. I am okay. I am happy. I do everything I love and I am waiting. although my number in the system isn’t perfect, but I am still waiting"

Louis simply nodded, he knew what waiting meant, waiting with pain, withhold all the coming plans, regress all the ambitions, the dreams , until you have the new heart, that it might never comes to you in time. 

Louis collected his courage again and said “ okay.. we are waiting for the cardiologist she will discuss with you everything.”

Harry nodded “ yes.. I think she will be mad seeing me again.”

“ you were here recently I know.”

“ and your friend Dr Malik was the one who examined me. I thought I was lucky when he couldn’t recognize me, but" then he shook his head 

Louis smiled “ he has a terrible memory. “

Harry smiled " I didn't want you to know this way.. actually I didn't want you to know at all" 

Harry then sighed and stopped talking, Louis was still looking at him, he didn't know how to answer that, he also didn't want to know this actually he didn't want Harry to suffer this. he just looked down, then a nurse entered

“ Dr Tomlinson.. Dr Spencer is waiting for you at the surgery"

Louis looked shocked “ what now? It was supposed to be in the morning."

The nurse shrugged “ it’s now." 

He nodded and thanked her, then he looked at Harry “ I have to go..”

Harry also nodded, but he rested his head on the pillow like he lost all his power suddenly , now he looked extremely pale

“ I am sorry.. I will come and see you later." 

Harry nodded, but he didn’t talk. 

Louis had to leave, he had to go to the surgery, he must be concentrated, he must be alerted, and he didn’t know how, because right now his mind, his thoughts were all with Harry.

******  
Louis didn’t know that the surgery would be tough, and would consume full six hours, Louis was neurologist, and most of the surgeries take long time, but hopefully he never lose a patient, until now at least, and tonight they could save the patient. 

When Louis left the operation room, almost running, he prayed God to find Harry awake, he wanted so badly to talk to him, to know a lot about his case, he was mind taking during his surgery thinking of him, of all the possibilities, all the risks, and he found that he knew nothing about his condition, he needed to learn and read more about it. 

When he reached the room Harry was in it earlier, he found a lot of doctors and nurses in there, they were working fast, and all wore a worried look on thier faces, and Louis understood what was this, He entered the room frantically, he asked the closest nurse  
“ what happened? "

She answered without looking at him, busy with his needles she was preparing

“ the heart stopped..”

Louis's world also stopped, how could fate be that aggressive, why fate gathered them again if Harry was going to die at the same night. 

“ 200.. clear..”  
He heard the voice, he knew the voice , Zayn's voice, Zayn came 

“ dame it... 250.. clear..”

Louis wanted to leave the room, but he couldn't , okay they hadn’t met for nine years , but he still could not just see him die. Not his best childhood friend. Not Harry. 

“ I got no pulse..” Zayn was almost yelling tell the surroundings, and Louis left the room. 

He slowly walked and sat at the chair, in front of the room, all he remembered was Harry’s voice, Harry's laugh.. and of course Harry’s old songs..

He didn't know how much time had passed but he saw Zayn sitting beside him, he looked sad, but Zayn was cold as stone, he never cried, he never showed any emotions, he never shared his feelings with any one

He sighed and then he looked at Louis “ you've missed the party..”

Louis couldn’t believe him, he looked at him eyes wide opened

Zayn smiled “ yeah. it was amazing actually we met some guy.”

Louis was still absorbing Zayn's cruelty, okay he was cold, but he never was insensitive

“ we think he is your type. why are you looking at me like that?”

Louis was still shocked “ you’ve just lost a patient.”

Zayn frowned “ no. she is alive. I just saved her"

Louis confused “ no. .. I saw..”

“ okay. she was getting a cardiac arrest but I was there.. I saved her actually she is fine.. and since when you care?”

She.. she ... she

Louis asked still confused “ she?”

Zayn nodded “ yeah. poor woman. she is also pregnant so basically I saved her and her coming baby.”

“ what are you talking about..”

Then Louis looked in front of him, what was happening,  
“ Dr Tomlinson..” someone called him, she was nurse Ivy

“ your friend who was here. he left three hours ago.. he says thanks..”

Louis was looking at her , he didn’t answer,he didn’t move a finger, okay.. Harry left, that wasn’t Harry.. that was some other lady. 

Zayn had to answer for him but he get skeptical “ ok thanks Ivy.. “,

She shrugged and left, then Zayn looked at Louis  
“ what Friend?”

Louis took a deep breath, he rubbed his face with his hands, he needed to wake up, he needed to regulate his heartbeats

“ Harry Styles was here..”

Zayn raised a brow “ what? did you take him with you for a tour?” he was teasing 

Louis shook his head “ no Zayn..he was here. As a patient..”

Zayn frowned “ I don’t understand.”

Louis looked at him “ actually he was here before and you were his doctor..”

Zayn frowned surprisingly “ was I?! oh shit.. that was him. the heart transplant patient I told you about "

“ no you didn’t..”

“ I did. he received 5 shocks in a time.I told you about him..”

He did

“ shit! that was him? I thought you were talking about an Old man..”

Zayn was still remembering “ damn. I thought I saw him before but wait a minute why was he here again?”

Louis shrugged “ I don’t know, he had a chest pain.. then I was called for a surgery, so when I came back to check on him, you were trying to save that woman life.. I thought it was him..”

Zayn nodded “ that’s explains a lot." he shook his head " I haven’t seen him..”

Louis nodded “ he is bad Zayn..”

Zayn agreed “ he is.were you that close?”

Louis shrugged and looked down, Zayn “ don’t tell me he is the one you used to talk about. the one who sings?”

Louis didn’t talk, and Zayn sighed “ oh Lou shit! "

Louis shrugged “ we were kids and he is not even gay.. but I don’t know when I saw him here. I feel like I was again a teenager and again I was falling in love with him" 

Zayn didn’t know what to say, Louis stood up “ I should talk to Dr Bailey I need to understand his case and you need to come with me you need to explain everything .”

Zayn sighed “ okay. but you do realize it’s bad, right?"

Louis looked at Zayn “ I know. I just need to know what is happening with him..that’s all" he said sadly 

******  
When Harry entered his flat, he was feeling better, exhausted but better. he couldn't really remember what exactly happened, he was having chest pain all the day, but he was doing okay. he did his show really fine, he was happy to see an old friend and maybe that affected his show cause he sang his heart out like the old days, and he felt another kind of pain, he missed Louis very much. Louis always treated him differently, he always loved to stay with him, so when Harry left with his family to London, it was really hard for him to leave Louis, they stayed in touch for quite time, but at the end they lost touch.

Harry lied himself on his bed, his flatmate wasn’t there, she must left for her classes, she didn’t know about what happened other wise she would never leave unless she makes sure he was okay. he was blessed having her in his life, she somehow reminded him of his sister, that’s maybe why he loved her differently, he loved her as a sister. He shared with her all his secrets and pains. He told her his dreams that he deeply was sure would never come alive but he dreamt anyway. 

Harry closed his eyes, he thought sleep would come easily to him, but it didn’t happen all his mind was thinking of Louis, just Louis Tomlinson, his old friend.. or maybe more than a friend. 

When he opened his eyes again, he felt warm coming from beside him, when he looked he saw his flatmate sleeping. he smiled a little, okay that meant she knew what happened to him and she was worried. 

When he left his bed , he felt rapid spell of dizziness that he ignored it, and he walked slowly to his bathroom, he wanted to have a warm shower, and he had to go to work, he couldn't skip tonight, he was missing a lot recently, and he knew his manager wouldn't accept it again, Harry needed money and that was his best and only option. 

When he left his bathroom, he didn’t see Perrie his flatmate sleeping in the bed. he figured she must had moved to her room, the bed was too small and she couldn't sleep good. he dressed for his work, and as usual he ignored looking at his scar when he was in front of the mirror wearing his t-shirt, this ugly big scare across his chest that always reminded him that he wasn't okay, he was sick and yeah, he was dying. 

When he went outside, he smelled good smell, he headed directly to the kitchen, no one was there, but there was his favourite dish on the kitchen table. 

He smiled widely and he started to eat immediately before even sitting down. 

“ where do you think you are going to?”

Harry didn’t flinch, he was expecting that actually, he knew any smart person should stop him from going, he knew he shouldn't go, but he had to.

Harry looked at her smiling “ you know where.”

She walked closer, she looked at him with her beautiful blue eyes and long blond hair then she frowned “ you were in hospital last night..”

He nodded “ I have to go. if I don’t I will get fired.” he was still eating 

She shrugged “ then get fired I don’t care. I don’t need the rent this month. stop doing this to yourself please "

“ I am not doing anything to myself.” he put the fork down. he hated when she talked like that, he hated when anyone talked to him like that, like his condition was all they could see, his sick heart that was barely beating. not his life, not his dreams, just his damaged heart. 

“ Harry.. I understand you are an adult and all of this.. but you went twice to the hospital this week and I am just worried.”

She was really worried

He sighed and stood up ready to leave “ I know you are but I can’t.. I have to go to work. if I felt anything wrong I won’t exhaust myself I promise.” 

Perrie sighed in defeat “ okay.. I am coming with you.”

“ you really don’t have to" he said while heading to the bathroom to wash his hands. 

She nodded and then she walked to bring her jacket“ but I want to. I have nothing to do so why not? ”

He smiled and she gave him a hug "it is really nothing, I want to see you singing"  
******

After the show that Harry gave, he was looking a little tired, he finished putting his guitar in its bag, when Perrie walked and sat by him on the table at the corner of the restaurant

“ that was great Harry..” she started, Harry only smiled but he was somehow frowning 

She was watching him “ okay. care to tell me what were you looking for?”

He looked at her surprised, she nodded “ you kept looking at the door like waiting for someone, so who is he?”

Harry was still looking at her surprised, but finally he smiled, and shrugged “ no one.”

She raised a brow “ really?”

He sighed “ okay. there is someone, an old friend. the one I knew I was gay when I was with him.”

She was surprised, she said excitedly “ yeah.. so?”

Harry looked at her “ he was here yesterday. we ate together and talked together. it made me feel happy Perrie like really happy. something overwhelming.. I didn’t want time to be frozen"

She smiled, Harry added “ I felt like he feels the same.. I mean the way he looks at me. the way he is talking to me.. I always felt that even when we were younger but he never knew I was gay.. I mean I never knew I was gay"

“ that’s amazing Harry.. so you think you will see him again? "

Harry sighed “ I wished.. but I know he won't" 

She frowned “ how?”

He said sadly “ he was my doctor last night. I think he freaked out or something. maybe felt sorry for me"

“ or maybe .. he is just busy.. did you have his number?”

Harry shook his head “ he broke his phone. that’s how we met we crashed and he broke his phone. he knows where I work. I was kinda hoping to see him tonight "

She smiled and kissed his cheek “ maybe not tonight..”

He nodded, then he stood up “ okay.. let’s go I am ready.”

She stood up too, then he looked at her smiling “ thank you so much for coming with me. I am really happy to have you in my life”

She smiled and she kissed his cheek again and then hugged his arm “ any time Hazza.. now let’s go.” 

He smiled too, and he took his bag, he out it in his other shoulder and together they walked out of the restaurant. 

Harry really wished that Louis would come again, he wanted him back in his life, he wanted to see him again, to feel that feeling he felt last night. 

But what he didn’t know, Louis did came, he saw Harry talking to Perrie, he saw her kissing his cheek, and he saw them walking outside together hand in hand. and it hurt, he wished for a second that Harry would be single, would be waiting for him, he felt pain because he knew he wouldn't be able to be with Harry again, he was thinking wrongly again, Harry wasn't gay what was he thinking! 

So Louis just smiled when he saw Harry actually okay, although he didn’t expect to see him working tonight, he just wanted to ask about his address, but when he saw him working, he felt relieved, at least Harry was okay, having a girlfriend who was taking care of him. 

And he just wanted to put his mind at something else, so he accepted the offer Liam gave him, he would go to the date Liam and Niall planned for him, if it didn’t go well, they would stop setting him up with people.  
and if it did go well.. then it was everyone's win. 

It wasn't like Louis was always single, no he was being wild and spontaneous, he was sometimes a one night stand guy. But recently he decided to settle down, maybe make his own family. So he was taking it slow. When anyone of his friends mentioned anyone Louis was running. But when he saw Harry something in his heart breathed again. For a minor moment he dreamt to be Harry’s man, to be the one who he would settle finally down with. But Harry wasn't a free man. Harry had a girlfriend, so he would gain himself a boyfriend and go to the date.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis went to restaurant with the man Liam and Niall told him about to have dinner and get along. The man did looked handsome, he looked attractive and they talked and he was also interesting, but still Louis somehow didn’t enjoyed, he just wanted the time to pass to go home with him have sex and that was it , that was him for the last five years. 

that night something was different, because Harry what was in Louis' mind, maybe because he just saw him, and he was worried about him, but Harry was living his life, he was having a girlfriend, so whatever Louis was thinking about them would never happen, and Louis himself wasn’t a man of a commitment. 

After the dinner , they were extremely wasted so when Mark asked Louis to go to his place with him, Louis found himself approving of course, maybe he wanted to prove to himself that it was okay, that he was the same, to prove to himself there was no use from thinking of something not his and never would be , and maybe because he was drunk. 

They moved to Mark's place , and well you know the rest, Louis was a one night stand man, no definition of a relation in his dictionary. just meet the guy , sleep with the guy, and then dump the guy, and that what exactly happened with Mark.

*******

Next morning when he had to go to work, he looked at Mark not feeling sorry, not feeling anything, he was still sleeping, and Louis didn’t wake him up, he didn’t say goodbye, he just left and deep inside he knew he would never see him again, and Louis felt disgusted from himself, that always happened after the sex next thing in the morning, he wanted to change, deep inside he wanted to, but he never actually tried. 

When Zayn asked him about what happened, Louis didn’t know what to answer, Zayn didn’t push any farther, he already knew what Louis was doing, deep inside he wanted his friend to change and to slow down, give any relation a chance, he always asked him why he was afraid to get attached to someone, and Louis always skipped answering.  
*******

Three days later, 

Harry was already late for his class, he overslept and he didn’t heard his alarm, he wake up frantically, and dressed as fast as he could, and he had to skip his breakfast which he would regret later. 

when he finished his classes, he felt he was this close from passing out, he had to go to the nearby Starbucks, and he ordered something to eat anything before he had to go to his work. Harry rested his head on the table and next thing someone was waking him up.  
he slept, he looked at his uneaten food and his cold coffee, he asked for another one, and he took his food and left in a hurry, again he was late for his work. 

His work wasn’t far at all, and he always loved to walk to it, but tonight if he wanted to go in time, he should run, which was impossible. 

He walked faster than usual, and he knew he wouldn't be able to take it , actually he regretted it now, he had to stop to catch his breath, and he felt he couldn't stand anymore, so he sat on the stairs of some building, he sat there trying to calm down and to catch his breath, he knew he has to gain his power back, he should be at his work now and he should looked perfect and act perfect if he wanted to keep his work. He closed his eyes and tried to breath in and out slowly, just for few seconds and till he gained himsekf back

“ are you okay?”

He heard Someone asking, not anyone, the one. 

Harry raised his head and he looked at him, he was shocked at the start, Louis was standing right in front of him

“ Louis.. what are you doing here.? "

Louis was looking at him with concerns, he was examining him by his eyes 

“ I was just heading home.. then I saw you sitting here alone here. are you okay?”

Harry nodded, and he tried to stand up without leaning on anything for any support “ yeah.. I was just... catching my breath..” his breathing was still shallow. 

Louis nodded still full of concerns “ where are you going ?”

“ work.. you know the Beatles” it was the name of the restaurant he worked in 

“ I can give you the ride..” he offered smiling

Harry shook his head and printed a soft smile on his face “ it’s literally five minutes from here. I can make it..”

Louis nodded “ come on.. let me “

Harry had to accept, because he knew he couldn't make it, not just in time, he couldn't make it at all. So he followed Louis slowly to his car

When they were in the car, Louis started driving trying his best not yo check him from time to time “ so.. how is everything?”

Harry smiled “ good.. I just have finished my classes, and now I am heading to work.. so yeah everything is good"

Louis looked at him again and examined his look. Harry knew those looks

“ and you?” he asked trying to change the subject

Louis smiled “ just finished my 48 hours shift.. totally exhausted..”

Harry nodded and looked at him “ auch.. you must be tired”

Louis yawned nodding “ exhausted. I slept for only three hours and right now I can barely move a muscle”

Harry giggled “ too bad.. I thought we could talk after my show"

Once he said it, he regretted it

Louis looked at him “ that’s sounds good..” he said simply "I can do that" 

Harry shook his head “ no, no.. we can catch up later..”

“ you know what? I will do it... I am hungry anyway.”

Harry looked at him “ you aren’t doing it because of me, do you? "

Louis smiled looking at the road “ no I am hungry.." and I am doing it for you

The show ran beautifully, Harry's voice was amazing, he did a really good work, and Louis did enjoyed the show. Harry looked tired though, he couldn’t do the high notes, and he was resting between songs, Louis was sitting right in front to encourage him, the place was crowded, it was the weekend, and that was stressing Harry out. 

Harry finally finished, he moved directly to Louis's table,  
“ did you like it?” Harry asked

Louis smiled at him “ I loved it.. come on have a seat.”  
he tried not to sound worried

Harry nodded “ okay I will use the bathroom first..”

And he moved , Louis waited for him, he wanted to talk to him to make sure he was okay

“ it’s really you..” someone said closer to Louis's table,  
When Louis looked , it was Mark standing in front Louis's table, surprised smiling. 

Louis looked at him, and he opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out,

Mark “ I never expected to see you again.. like ever..”

Louis finally closed his mouth, and he stood up trying to smile

Mark looked at the table “ are you alone.”

“ actually.. I am waiting for friend”

Please go away, please leave, he didn’t want them to meet, Mark and Harry

Mark nodded, then he said “ you never called Louis..”

Louis sighed “ I am ... I.. I really don’t know what to say..”

Mark nodded “ I mean .. you could have told me. you know.. don’t just leave me there..”

Louis looked ashamed at himself, Mark said “ it’s okay Louis if things between us didn’t go as you expected.. I mean this was my first time with a man.. but I really like you Louis.”

“ what?! "  
It was Harry, Louis also was shocked, Mark looked at Harry and he smiled 

“ nice work lad.. I love your voice" 

He reached his hand for a handshake, Harry looked pale, he smiled at Mark and accepted the compliment.  
Then Mark looked back at Louis “ so Louis.. when can we meet again.. I really need another chance.”

Louis looked between Harry and Mark, Mark “ call me Louis... please..”

Then he looked at Harry again “ I will leave you with your friend now"

Then he looked at Louis smiling, and he left. 

Harry was watching him till he left the whole place, and then he looked at Louis again “ what was that?”

Louis smiled “ that was a friend..”

Harry nodded smiling he teased “ friend that like you so much.. and begging you to call? "

Louis rolled his eyes “ it’s not like that..”

Harry raised a brow “ you slept with him.? ”

Louis shocked “ what?! why-" 

Harry smiled and nodded his head “ you did, first time with a man.. surly he didn’t mean a regular thing..” then he giggled but Then he frowned and shook his head in disbelief “ what was he .. a one night stand?" 

Louis now was getting angry, he felt Harry was being annoyed “ does it even matter?" 

Harry surprised “ what? No! .“

Louis snapped “ then stop asking about him..”

Harry closed his mouth and looked down, Louis sighed “ I am sorry I didn’t mean to ... it just the whole thing is stupid" 

Harry looked at him “ what is stupid?”

Louis took a deep breath “ my friends were trying to set me up for long time... so they introduced him to me and it just happened.. but next thing I was leaving his place without saying a word.. and  
I never called him back.. so.. yeah it’s stupid.”

Of course he skipped the part where he always sleeps with strangers and leave them in the morning, he was embarrassed enough and he didn’t want to give the worst impression to Harry 

Harry nodded “ but he seems a nice guy.”

Louis chuckled “ really!!”

“ yeah.. he liked my voice.. of course he is a good man.. you should call him..”

Louis nodded smiling “ maybe I will..”

Harry smiled and he then sat, he looked pale than earlier, Louis noticed but he didn’t ask

“ so.. now what are we doing?”

Harry looked at him and smiled “ can you drive me home?”

Louis surprised “ okay?.”

Harry tried to smile “ I am sorry..i really want to sit and talk... but I just forgot my medications this morning and it hits me now, actually it hit me long time ago but I need yo keep my job"

Louis shocked “ shit Harry.. you know you can’t do this"

Harry nodded “ yeah.. sorry but I was in a rush this morning.”

Louis frowned deeply “ okay.. how do you feel?”

Harry sighed “ no big deal I promise.. just I will take them and I will be fine"

Louis nodded and tried to remain as calm as he could , he walked beside Harry till they reached the car and together they left to Harry’s place. 

At the car, Louis parked and Looked at Harry, Harry actually didn’t talk the whole ride, he was just sitting there, closing his eyes, it of course worried Louis even more since he knew nothing about Harry’s case, but again he said nothing

“ Harry we are here..”

Harry opened his eyes, then he looked at Louis “ thank you Louis..”

Louis nodded, he hated what he saw, Harry looked awful. Very vulnerable and unable to talk 

“ you aren’t living alone are you?” Louis asked

Harry smiled and he shook his head “ no, no I have a flatmate.. but she is sleeping with her boyfriend today..”

Louis felt worried again, he looked in front to adjust the situation, Harry was taking his guitar from the back seat

“ are you sure you will be okay..” Louis asked after seeing Harry winced when he moved his body

Harry sighed “ I will be okay Louis.. “ then he looked at him “ thank you for the ride. Really it was a great help"

Louis nodded, Harry left the car, but Louis couldn’t let him leave that easy, he left the car too

Harry looked at him surprised, Louis “ you said we need to talk.. so.. what if I make you some tea  
And we talk”

Harry smiled, okay he understood his old friend, but he also needed to have a talk with him

******  
Harry took his medications, and then he changed his clothes, he headed towards the kitchen where he saw Louis holding his tea, looking at the photos Perrie hanged them on the fridge

Harry walked and stopped beside him, there were a lot of pictures, Perrie was obsessed with photographing, she always thought that harry has a photogenic face, so there were more than twenty photos alone on the fridge door

“ your girlfriend?” Louis asked, he recognized her ,she was the lady from the other night

Harry was shocked at the start, then he laughed, Louis looked at him confused

“ what? Are you married?”

Harry laughed harder, then he coughed , Louis looked again at the photos, then he moved to sit on the kitchen table, where HARRY's tea was

Harry followed him “ she is Perrie, my flatmate.”

Louis somehow looked relieved, “ you have been living together since long time i see"

Harry smiled and took his cup “ yeah.. three years.. she is amazing. when you meet her you will love her.”

When he meets her..

Louis smiled “ so any girlfriend?”, he was actually dying to know

“ are you serious? Who would love a dying man" he said it really casually and he drank a sip of his tea 

that came like a bomb to Louis. although Harry said it easily, it surprised Louis so much that it hurt

“ what are you talking about? "

Harry looked at Louis, and he realised what he did, he put the cup down and looked at him “ you do realize my case Louis, right? I mean .. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I don’t want to hold anyone back.”

Louis was still shocked “ tell me you are kidding?”

Harry looked at him confused, then he shrugged “ but i'm not" he then sighed "listen.. I know my condition very well. I understand my options, I understand the possibility of sudden heart attacks or even sudden death and I just can’t hurt anyone with me like this.. I mean it won’t be fair. I barely can handle my mother and my sister.. and Perrie.. but someone who loves me and keeps getting worried about me.. shit I can’t handle this.”

Harry talked very easily, very peacefully, like that whole thing wasn’t affecting him, like he was actually okay with this

“ besides.. I am gay " he nearly whispered the last three words

Louis snapped his head up to Harry “ what did you say?”

Harry looked down “ I am gay" 

Harry never told anyone that, and he didn’t know why he told Louis that, or maybe he knew, and he always wanted to tell him that. 

Louis actually smiled surprisingly “ are you having a laugh! "

Harry looked at him confused but then embarrassed,, Louis said louder “ you are Harry Styles. the one and only.. every single girl had a crash on you in high school" 

Harry blushed “ yeah.. yeah.. but also I am still gay.”

Louis looked at him “ you never told me"

Harry tried to smile “ I wanted to, but I never had the chance"

“ we were best friends. you knew I was gay I told you since day one ”

Harry nodded “ well I wasn’t sure what I was, I had my doubts and I wanted to tell you about them. But when I finally knew I had my first heart attack.. so well.. no one actually knows.. except for Gemma, Perrie and now you" he said and his cheeks suddenly turned red and was it getting hot here? 

“ okay. let me get this right, you are gay but never been with anyone?”

Harry shrugged “ I haven’t been in any relation since I was eighteen"

Louis gasped “ are you serious Harry.!"

Harry crossed his arms “ are you making fun of me"

Louis shook his head “ of course not..I am just shocked.. I mean wow..”

Harry rolled his eyes “ yeah.. yeah anyway. it doesn’t matter now what I am"

Louis looked at him confused, Harry “ tell me more about you. have you seen anyone from our old friends?”

Louis understood Harry was trying to change the topic, and he let him, although he looked cute with those red cheeks but he didn't want to push it 

“ well no , not exactly.. but I see Eleanor from time to time. and oh remember Gigi? she is Zayn girlfriend"

Harry shocked “ no way.."

Harry and Gigi used to be close. 

Louis smiled “ yeah.. two years now. I remember how close you were ”  
Harry smiled too" yeah, we were too close -" then he went into a coughing fit

Louis was watching him, he winced at Harry’s pain, but when the cough didn’t stop, he rushed to  
Harry’s side

“ are you okay?" 

Harry tried to nod while he was coughing, and when he finished , he looked at Louis with glassy eyes, he wasn't crying, but just exhausted. Face red and he was struggling to have a full breath and complete a full sentence  
“ I am okay..”

Louis sighed but he didn't comment, Harry took a deep breath when he calmed a little bit  
“ that’s why I can’t be with anyone..”

Louis looked at him and narrowed his eyes “ that’s why you should be with someone Harry you don’t deserve this shit.”

Harry smiled “ I don’t.. but it’s okay really.”

Louis looked at Harry and chewed his lower lip “ is it always that bad? "

Harry looked at him “ this is not even bad. relax you are a doctor I thought You know what is happening,right?"

Louis took a deep breath “ okay.. you need to sleep.”

Harry shrugged “ yeah.. but I need to eat something first"

Louis shocked “ crap. you didn’t eat since morning.. shit.. let’s order something"

“ oh my God. Are you even a doctor?”

Louis looked at him confused, Harry smiled “ I can’t eat anything Lou.. relax.. I will make me some soup"

Louis wanted to say something , but he just couldn't ,  
Harry finally stood up, but he felt dizzy, he was going to fall, but Louis grasped his arm “ shit Harry"

Harry slowly sat again “ shit.. I think I am dizzy."

Louis looked at him frantically , he said angrily “ think? of course you are. you haven’t eaten any fucking thing Harry.. what were you thinking?" 

Harry looked at him, and he smiled, Louis was angry “ I will make the soup. now you rest here"

Harry nodded, Louis walked and then he stopped at the middle of the kitchen , he looked at Harry again

“ I will make the soup.. but you need to tell me how..”

Harry looked at him surprised, then he laughed.

Louis made him the soup , under Harry’s instructions, when Harry tasted it he swore it was the best soup he ever tasted, he lied, but he ate it all anyway. after finishing the soup, Harry and Louis decided to watch a movie together, they both had nothing tomorrow morning, they both were exhausted, and they both wanted to spend more time together. 

When the movie started, it didn’t take long for them to fall asleep together on the big couch, and for the first time since ages, Louis slept normally without his sleeping pills, it did surprised him in the next morning, but also he was worried, he didn’t know what he was getting himself in, and he was worried that he couldn't handle the pain in his chest every time he looked at Harry, he couldn't get attached to Harry, he knew where it would end. but he just couldn't stop himself, could he?!


	4. Chapter 4

When Louis opened his eyes the next morning, at the start he didn’t know where he was, he was sleeping on a couch, covered by a blanket, and somehow he felt warm, then it hit him, he was still at Harry’s

Okay.. where was Harry? 

Louis left the couch, and he looked around him, he wanted to do what he always does, leave. 

just leave without seeing Harry, without saying goodbye, although nothing happened, and maybe that was better, leave before something might happen, before it was still early. 

he heard some noises coming from the kitchen, and slowly he walked towards it

And there he was, Harry was standing in the kitchen in front of the stove, stirring something, and once he felt Louis's presence, he looked at him and he smiled widely 

“ I was going to wake you. come on have a seat breakfast is ready..” he waved him to sit. 

Louis smiled back, and he sat on the nearby chair, then he looked again at Harry, and okay.. he knew it sounded already bad, he knew what he was getting himself in,  
And he wanted to stop that, must stop that now, he stood up suddenly at the same moment Harry held two plates and was heading towards him

“ what’s wrong?” Harry said confused

Louis looked at him silently, Harry “ I made you the scrambled egg you used to like.. please tell me you still like it..” then he put the plate in front of Louis unaware of what was going on in Louis' mind. 

Louis was watching Harry, he looked happy, he looked okay, and he looked fine. 

Harry sat in front of Louis, then he looked at Louis who was still standing up looking back at him

It was when Harry started to feel there was something wrong 

“ are you okay?” he asked doubtly 

Louis couldn't leave him, not now , and again nothing happened, he was just an old friend who made him breakfast, it happens, right? 

“ Louis..”

Harry said getting worried, but Louis finally smiled  
“ where is the bathroom?”

Harry smiled confusingly, and he pointed at where it was

Louis walked hastily to the bathroom running from Harry, he needed to decide what to do. 

He stood in front of the mirror inside the bathroom, he looked at the closed door, and then he sighed, okay decide Louis, either you leave now, hurt Him now, or stay and hurt him later.

When Louis left the bathroom, he saw Harry was waiting in front of it leaning on the wall, his face was white and he looked extremely nervous 

“ are you okay?”

Louis looked at him and tried to smile “ yeah.. nothing... come on let’s eat.”

Harry looked at him for few seconds, then he walked to the kitchen, and now Louis wanted to slap himself, Harry already felt there was something wrong, and Louis caused him that. 

They together sat, and Harry put in front of him a cup of tea,

“ did you sleep well?” Harry asked avoided looking at him

Louis nodded and was looking on the meal in front of him“ yeah.. very. I haven’t slept like this since ages"

Harry looked at him surprised, Louis smiled and looked at him “ this couch is magical..”

Harry smiled “ yeah.. everyone says the same. I didn’t want to wake you up.. you said you haven’t slept for 48 hours.. and I just couldn’t disturb you.”

Louis nodded taking a sip of the hot tea

“ it this okay? ” Harry asked

Louis smiled at Harry “ it’s more than okay for me. but I don’t know about you. do you always have strangers sleep on your couch.. and you make them breakfast the next day? "

Harry smiled surprisingly “ yeah.. all the time", Harry added " and you are not a stranger" 

Louis laughed so as Harry, the tension was broken, and they spent the next two hours talking and laughing. 

So when they finished eating, Harry put the plates in the sink, then he looked at Louis

“ okay.. what are your plans for today?”

Louis was thinking “ well.. I need to buy a new phone.”

Harry looked shocked “ you mean you still have no phone? "

Louis smiled widely “ yup. 've been busy." 

Harry nodded “ well what about that guy who asked you to call him.? ” he asked shyly. 

Louis smiled wider , but also getting nervous, “ on Zayn's phone"

Harry nodded, and then Louis asked “ and you.”

Harry sighed “ I have to get my guitar back. this isn’t mine... mine was broken” 

Louis nodded, Harry clapped his hands together  
“ okay.. what shall we start with? "

We??

Louis asked “ are you planning to spend the day together?" 

Harry shrugged “ do you have something better?”

Louis smiled and he shook his head, Harry nodded  
“ good.. so now.. I will get dressed."

Then he left to his room leaving Louis again to his thoughts. 

******

They did spend the day together, Louis bought a new phone, and Harry's number was the first thing  
on it. 

Then they had lunch together, they talked like they never had split, they talked freely, happily, Louis loved talking to Harry, he was someone that was filled with happiness and love, he was cheerful and was laughing at anything. and maybe that what Louis was missing in his life, someone to remind him of loving the life again.

After lunch, they headed to where HARRY’s guitar was being fixed,it was a small shop, his owner was Harry's friend, also was an amateur musician named Ed, once he saw Harry entering the shop, he dropped whatever he was doing, and he headed to embrace Harry

“ where have you been man? I was trying to get you.” Ed said smiling

“ so sorry Ed, I was so busy... sorry. I didn’t get your calls. you know how classes and work take all my time."

Then he looked at Louis “ this is Dr Tomlinson.. an old friend" 

Ed then looked at Louis and then shook hands. 

Ed then turned to Harry and said in excitement “ the guys are inside. we are doing a karaoke night. come on join us"

Harry was happily surprised “ really! that would be great" then he looked at Louis “ what do you think Lou? 

Louis was confused, Harry held his hand and walked to the back of the shop saying “ of course we  
will"

Ed laughed “ I will be there in a minute..”

Then Harry and Louis entered a room in the back, it was so simple room, with simple furniture only a big screen , a big couch, and two cushion chairs. 

Inside the room where two guys, Harry introduced them as Shawn and Sam, they all were musicians Harry used to know them when he was wandering places to hire him. 

They made three teams , Shawn and Sam, Louis and Harry, and Ed, because they say he was the best, and also because Louis was a new member. 

At the start Louis refused to sing, he said he could not sing, and that was true he never trusted his voice. 

Harry tried all other way to convince him to sing, he swore that Louis had a good voice, he still remembered them singing together long time ago, and to be honest, Louis didn’t sing again after Harry, and at last Harry succeeded, and Louis sang, and he was amazing, they loved his voice, they encouraged him, and he gained more confidence, they sang for hours, did all the songs , old and new, Happy and sad, They spent amazing time that Louis didn't have long tim ago. 

Harry was acting normally, dancing, jumping, laughing, acting as a healthy person, Louis couldn’t stop himself from watching him, he was worried, but he loved having fun, he loved seeing Harry having fun, and he understood that those guys had no clue about Harry.

It was getting late, and Louis had to go to work, so when he was in the car again, Harry was still radiating happiness still full with energy . 

Louis watched him from the windshield, Harry was saying goodbye to the guys, then he took his guitar and walked to Louis's car. 

Once he was inside, he sighed “ that was good"

Louis started driving “ it was..”

“ we should try this again. I had fun"  
"

Louis nodded, but he didn’t talk, Harry looked at him  
“ they love your voice. maybe you should do the show with me someday" but giggled 

Louis smiled nodded, Harry looked at him , he frowned  
“ what’s wrong?”

Louis looked at him, then he shook his head  
“ nothing..”

Harry watched him for a second, that was happening again, so Louis just sighed and looked at the road

“ they don’t know..do they?”

Harry looked at him confused “ know what?”

Louis sighed “ know Harry.. your condition.”

Harry looked in front again “ why should they? so they feel worry about me all the time.”

Louis sighed “ Harry.”

“ you don’t understand Louis. those're the only people who actually treat me normally. they are the only people who want to have fun with me.”

Louis nodded, he understood what Harry meant “ but they should know.. what if something bad happens to you.? ”

Harry shook his head “ no, I can’t risk that.”

Louis looked at him, and all the happiness was gone, and it hurt

“ at least tell me they know anything.”

Harry was looking in front of him “ all they know I have a high blood pressure..”

Louis getting angry “ that’s it! "

Harry snapped “ yes Louis that’s it. and please stop thinking about my heart. I am okay. I want to feel okay.. I want to feel okay when I am with you and you are not making it easy" 

He said the last words whispering. 

Louis nodded, actually he couldn't blameHarry, he understood that he was trying to act normal, to enjoy his time without feeling worried, without feeling sad.  
louis knew it would be hard for him to accept that, but if he wanted to still be with Harry he then needed to learn that. 

Harry said “ I am sorry..”

“ no, no don’t be... it’s okay.. actually it’s my fault. I shouldn’t interfere in your own business..”

But Harry looked at him shocked, then he looked in front again, and no one said a word till they arrived Harry’s flat. 

Once Louis parked the car, he looked at Harry “ I am just worried "Harry.. that’s all.”

Harry sighed “ I understand. it’s okay.”

Louis tried to smile “ and I had fun really.”

Harry smiled looking at him “ we should do it again then.” All the anger had melted suddenly. 

Louis was confused at the start, but he nodded, Harry  
“ see you around Louis. you have my number. Call me when you want..”, then he smiled widely. 

Then he left the car, he looked through the window, and pointed with his hand for Louis to call him. 

But he didn’t, Louis didn’t call him for the next three days, he wanted too, he looked at his name in his phone more than a hundred time to call him, but he didn’t, he couldn't , he was afraid from calling him, he was afraid from spending more time with him, he didn’t want to get used to have Harry back, He didn't deserve Harry, he wasn’t good for him, Harry needed someone to make him feel better, Louis wasn’t the one for this, Louis was awful. 

So instead he called Mark, he saw Mark, he did what he liked to do with Mark, and then he pretended he never met Harry. 

But not for today. 

Louis was running in the hospital corridors, looking for Zayn, he finally saw him talking to someone

“ Zayn.. what is the emergency?” Louis gasped

Then the man Zayn was taking to turned to face Louis  
“ surprise!! ”

Louis looked at the man shocked, the man of course was Harry “ what are you doing here?”

Harry smiled “ relax.. I am here to see you"

Zayn said “ he has been waiting for you for two hours now."

Louis was still shocked, he was trying to avoid him for three days, what was he doing here? He ruined everything 

“ why didn’t you call?" 

Louis asked , but he already knew the answer, Harry did called but Louis barely answered

“ that’s would ruin the surprise Lou” Harry answered simply 

Louis tried to smile, Zayn said “ okay.. Gigi is waiting for both of you.. don’t be late" 

Zayn said and he left. 

Louis looked at Harry confused, Harry giggled “ Zayn called Gigi for me.. she went crazy.”

Louis nodded, but his smile faded

Harry looked at him seriously now “ you didn’t call.”

Louis sighed “ come on.”

Together they entered the stuff room, and thanks God it was empty

Louis looked at Harry, and tried as calm as he could talk to him and ask him to leave 

“ why are you here Harry?”

Harry looked surprised “ I wanted to see you. you never called and you barely answered my calls. were you avoiding me?”

Louis rubbed his face with his hands, he wasn’t ready for this, he was already having an awful day, his patient was dying, and he wasn’t focusing recently, and now Harry was here, he sounded sad and disappointed and Louis knew he couldn't make him feel any better

“ I have a busy schedule Harry. I told you.”

Harry looked at him, he nodded, he tried to hide his disappointment

“ really?”

Louis nodded “ yes. really you shouldn’t have come. I was going to call you tonightht"

Harry nodded, he chewed his lower lip, Louis was lying and Harry could read him

“ so we are okay?”

Louis nodded “ we are okay..”

Harry smiled “ good.. so .. we are going to the birthday together? ”

Louis sighed “ I can’t. I am busy"

Harry was shocked “ busy?”

“ yeah .I have some plans but I will see you there.” he did has some plans, plans with Mark.

Harry sighed and he looked down “ don't do this ”

Louis looked shocked at him, Harry was hurt, and when Louis looked at his face he saw tears beginning to form in his eyes

“ you do realize I totally need nothing from you, just couple of friends "  
He said almost crying

Louis sighed “ Harry..”

Harry shook his head “ you don have to do this.. you don’t have to lie to me. you don’t have to avoid me.”

“ I wasn’t .. I am sorry"

Harry nodded, and he wiped away the fallen tears hastily  
" you know what? it’s not even your fault it’s mine. I was dumb, I don’t know what I was thinking offering myself this way to you. I am the one who should be sorry Louis. I promise it won’t happen again" 

He was leaving the room, but Louis ran and grasped his arm “ wait..” 

Harry avoided looking at him

Louis looked at his eyes “ I am sorry. but I can’t do it”

Harry tried to hide his shock, he tried to slow his breathing, he slowly nodded, he swallowed his tears thickly and he looked back at Louis 

“ all I wanted was a friend. but it’s okay. it was my fault really" he tried to sound cold but he failed 

“ Harry I-"

Harry shook his head, and slowly set his arm free “ I am glad you was at least honest with me and I'm glad that I could to see this by my eyes" 

“ Harry.. I have to explain..”

Harry shook his head “ no, no need to explain.. please.. “ he tried to smile “ don’t make it harder.”

Then he left the room, he tried to cover his eyes, to stop the tears, he was hurt, disappointed, and most importantly he was shocked. 

Three days ago everything sounded perfect, he didn't understand why Louis refused his friendship out of nowhere , did he show that he wanted more? Was he that obvious?

He cursed himself for this. He thought he could handle himself, he could handle his feelings, he could handle this for years, he was able to supress his feelings, to forget that he needed love in his life , but when he saw Louis, he forgot everything, he dropped all the masks, he wanted Louis big time in his life, even if he had to hide his feelings, but at least Louis would be there with him, not taking care of him medically, not watching him,  
But he will be there to share him all the coming days, that was exactly what Harry wanted. 

When he was leaving the hospital, he heard someone calling his name, it was Zayn

“ what happened? I was calling you?”

Harry tried to smile, to hide his tears but it was too late, Zayn already saw the tears

“ are you okay? What happened? did he say anything?”

Harry shrugged, and pressed his mouth shut, but the tears fall again. Okay he gotta admit it, he was too weak right now. Too weak. 

Zayn shook his head “ I don’t know what to say..”

Harry nodded, but he knew his voice would definitely betray him so he chose to keep silent 

Zayn “ will you be okay?”

Harry nodded and tried one world “ sure”

Zayn nodded and smiled squeezing his shoulder  
“ whatever he said he didn’t mean it. he loves you Harry.. you should know that"

Harry nodded, yeah of course he loved him. 

Harry left with the dignity he had left, he didn’t cry anymore, but he left directly to his flat, all he wanted was just sleep, he switched his phone off, and he slept on his bed ignoring everything, his work, his classes, Perrie's worried looks that she gave him before he entered his room and closing the door behind. 

*******

Two hours later, Perrie opened his door, and she entered, and she sat beside him

“ I know you are awake. so tell me what the hell happened?”

His was completely covered, he mumbled “ no I am sleeping "

She removed the cover from Harry, then she saw his face, his puffed eyes and red nose , and she became suddenly soft

" you were crying?”Harry shook his head “ no..”

She looked at him “ what happened Harry?”

Harry didn’t answer, she sighed “ is it about you?”

He shook his head, she “ okay then tell me what happened?”

“ I went to see Louis..”

Perrie nodded “ okay.. then?”

Harry shrugged “ he said he can’t do it anymore.”

Perrie was confused “ what does it mean?”

Harry huffed and rolled his eyes instead if crying “ us.. our friendship.”

Perrie was surprised “ why?”

He shrugged “ you know why"

“ no.. obviously I don’t.”

He sighed and pressed his eyes when it stung “ I am a burden Perrie. I don’t blame him really and I offered myself to him. he doesn’t need someone like me in his life..”

Perrie frowned deeper “ someone like you?”

“ someone who is dying..”

Perrie was shocked “ fuck him Harry.. did he tell you that?”

He shook his head “ he didn’t say much. just he can’t do this"

“ and did you ask him why?”

He shook his head , she sighed “ okay maybe you didn’t get it right, maybe there is another explanation "

Harry sighed “ when someone tells you he can’t do it anymore I don’t think it means something else"

Perrie sighed “ I am sorry. I know how do you feel"

He nodded and looked at his lap “ I wasn’t going to tell him about me feelings .. I was ... I just enjoyed his presence.. it was all I asked you know.. someone to love even behind his back"

“ Harry stop talking this way.. you don’t deserve this you know that"

Harry wiped his tears away “ I don’t hate my life Pezz but I just don’t understand.. why! "

Perrie nodded softly, then she moved closer to him and she hugged him

“ you know what screw him. we don’t need a fucking Tomlinson”

Harry nodded in her lap, but he was sad, he needed Louis Tomlinson in his life in his days left. After few hours of talking and trying to make him feel better and think better. Perrie finally convinced him to go outside for a small walk, she needed to drink something and he couldn’t say no, he never said no to her. 

He dressed his clothes, then he waited for her in the kitchen, but the door bell rang

He knew he was Perrie's boyfriend, he was coming tk take them so he moved to open the door directly

"Tom is here Pizz Hurry up"

But when he opened, he didn’t expect what he saw in front of his face, Louis Tomlinson standing in front of him

“ I am sorry..” first thing he said

Harry was shocked, he didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t know what to do

Louis said “ I was stupid Harry I know... I was dump but I am sorry and I won't say this again, I don’t even mean what I said"

Harry looked down, Louis whispered “ please.. forgive me..”

Harry sighed , but he opened the door for Louis to enter. 

Once Louis was inside, he looked at Harry  
“ does this mean we are okay?”

Harry looked at him “ no, I just.. I don’t understand why''

Louis nodded, he looked down for a second thinking for an answer , then he looked at Harry, and slowly he walked towards him, and he kissed him, cupping his face

Yes just like that

Then he looked at Harry’s wide eyes -  
“ because of this..” Louis said softly 

For a minute Harry couldn’t breathe, he felt horrible pain in his chest, that he had to press two fingers at the middle of his chest. 

Louis looked at his hand , and he became frantic

“ oh my God!! are you okay? ",  
Harry was still looking at him, he was still shocked

“ what does this mean?”

Louis still looking at Harry’s chest “ are you okay?" 

“ tell me what does this mean?”

Then Louis looked at him, then he said softly  
“ it means I love you Harry Styles.. I always did" 

Harry finally smiled, and then he kissed Louis, long, soft kiss 

And then he looked at his eyes “ I love you too Louis"


	5. Chapter 5

For the next month , things between Harry and Louis moved too fast, they moved from two old friends catching up to old couple deeply in love. Harry and Louis became too close, a non separable couple unless Louis was in hospital and Harry was in his classes or work. 

Louis introduced Harry to Liam and Niall, they fell in love with him right away as they found so much in common.  
the three of them spent most of their time together when Louis and Zayn were at work. 

They felt like they always knew each other, and the talks came easily, there were a lot in common between Naill and Harry, and Niall began to call them best friends now. 

They both loved music, they both loved singing, and they both were loving and caring people. Everything was okay, everything except one thing. 

Mark. Louis was still seeing him every Tuesday only for the same reason, he never told Harry about Mark of course, he never told Mark about Harry too. the only one who actually knew was Zayn, and when he knew he stopped talking to Louis. no one knew what happened between them , Louis promised Zayn he wouldn't do it again, and Zayn believed him, but he was still watching him to make sure, he told him it was unfair for both of them Harry and mark, they both didn't deserve this. 

*******

It was Tuesday morning,

Harry, Niall and Liam were waiting for Zayn and Louis at the coffee shop, they were supposed to have late breakfast together,and Louis and Zayn will meet them there

“ I can’t I have work tonight..” Harry said

Niall begged “ oh come on Harry... screw work. we will have fun. it will be fun”

Liam was eating hut he said “ yeah Harry come on"

Harry was thinking “ okay what about Louis? I think he has a shift tonight too. he always has at Tuesday"

Niall was looking behind Harry “ here they are let’s ask them..”

Zayn and Louis were just entering the place, and they headed directly to the table

Once they settle down, Louis kissed Harry on his cheek, Harry blushed smiling and looked down 

“ how are you love? "

Louis only asked because Harry wasn't feeling well this morning when Louis wake up , he saw Harry sitting beside him on the bed wheezing and trying to catch his breath, his hand was pressing on his chest. Louis jumped from the bed and rushed to Harry, Harry’s eyes were glassy, and he was trembling, he was sweaty, and he could barely breath

Louis gave Harry his medications, and it took him an hour till Harry regained his power and himself back. It was tough for Harry and it was even worse for Louis to watch. 

Harry smiled nodding, and Louis knew he was still not totally okay, although it was only one month together but Louis now could read Harry from one sight. 

Niall then said “ Louis we are going to the nightclub we are waiting for you love birds"

Harry smiled, while Louis's face turned white for a second  
“ I can’t tonight..”

Niall frowned and asked “ why? ”

Zayn looked suddenly interested “ yeah Louis.. why? "

Harry answered instead “ he has a shift guys I told you." 

Zayn looked at Louis, then he shook his head in disbelief. No one saw hm but Louis. 

The thing was, Louis was going to see Mark, but he was ending everything, he knew Mark wouldn't take it easily, and Louis wanted to talk to him face to face

Harry replied “ maybe next time. I have work, Louis has work"

Louis looked at Harry shocked “ you are not going to work tonight? "

Harry smiled and almost whispered “ I am okay" 

Harry begged Louis not to tell Niall and Liam the truth, Louis reluctantly agreed, and when Harry asked Zayn, he just accepted but without promising anything, as usual Zayn was deep and no one ever knew what was going on in his mind, but Harry begged him not to tell. 

Liam sighed “ fine.. we will go tomorrow then"

Harry looked at him and smiled “ fine tomorrow it is"  
Then Liam and Niall stood up

Zayn looked between them “ where too?”

Niall smiled “ work baby... we work too , not just doctors you know.. they are actually-“

Zayn sighed stopping him “ fine... fine"

They laughed and they left leaving the rest still sitting on the table, suddenly Harry felt the pain again shooting through his chest, he tried to keep calm, Zayn and Louis were talking about a case they had in the hospital, and Harry couldn’t take it anymore, he wanted to go to the bathroom, he wanted to wash his face, and sometimes walking could help a little. 

Harry stood up slowly, Louis looking at him “ are you leaving baby?”  
Harry tried to smile “ I will be back, just want to use the loo"

He nodded and looked back at Zayn, and they completed what they were talking, Harry thanked God that Louis didn't notice how pale he looked 

Zayn watched Harry leaving , then he looked at Louis who was looking at the table

“ you promised Louis.”

Louis nodded “ I know.. but I have to see him for the last time. I have to tell him face to face, he is not an easy man"

Zayn sighed in disbelief “ I don’t know why you are doing this to yourself, you are better than this.  
why? "

“ God Zayn.. please stop. I promised I will fix this so let me fix it" 

Zayn nodded, Louis then said “ he wasn’t okay this morning"

Zayn nodded “ I know.. he is still looks not okay"

Louis looked at the bathroom door waiting for Harry  
“ any news about the transplant?”

Zayn shrugged “ I told you Louis. he is a lot better than other patients, but you are not gonna like his number on the system."

Louis snorted “ fuck the system Zayn.. he is not okay. he is always in pain, look at him" 

“ I know Louis.. I know it just.. it’s how it works.”

Louis looked down in frustration, he knew this how things worked, but he wished he could do anything to help, he looked again at the bathroom, okay Harry was taking long time, he needed to see him 

“ will you tell him about Mark?”

Louis looked at him shocked “ why would I do tha! of course not"

“ he should know Lou.”

Louis huffed he was getting angry “ just why? why should I hurt him? “

“ what if he knew somehow, what will you do then? "

Louis growled “ how? he will never know.?" 

Zayn sighed and decided to stop “ fine.. but you have to fix this"

“ God.. okay.”

Then he looked at the bathroom again, and he was now getting worried, he decided to go to see what was happening, but there was Harry coming towards them, pale than earlier, walking weakly and obviously trying to catch his breath. 

Louis saw how Harry wasn’t okay at all, when Harry sat beside him again, Louis looked at him, but Harry this time avoided looking 

“ okay.. let’s go home."

Harry looked at him “ no, please. I am okay" 

“ you are not okay..”

Zayn looking at Harry “ what happened ?”

Harry shook his head and closed his eyes, like talking was exhausting him “ I am fine"

Zayn looked serious when he asked “ you didn’t receive a shock did you?”

Louis looked at Harry shockingly, for the last month Harry was completely okay, no pain, no shocks  
, nothing, and Louis loved to believe it would always be the same

Harry opened his eyes and looked at him “ no, I thought I was going to have a one, but nothing"

“ ok... come with me, let’s make some tests"

Harry shook his head “ no, no.. I took my medications I will be fine. I just wasn't sleeping well"

Louis snapped “ Harry please! just do the tests"

Harry looked at him, Louis sighed “ don’t make me worry about you"

Harry explained “ it will take time. I have to go to work"

Louis lost his patience “ screw the fucking work, why do you have to be that stubborn? ”

Harry was shocked, he didn’t expect the attack from Louis, okay he knew he was worried, he could understand that, but now he wss angry at him? 

Zayn looked at Louis “okay... easy there.”

Then he looked at Harry “ it won’t take time if we moved now. I give you my word"

Harry had to accept, okay he would do it for Louis, he hated making people worried about him, and of course he didn't want Louis to be worried about him. 

*****

They did some tests and Zayn finally looked at Harry, after examining most of the things, Harry was sitting on the bed, looking at the his lap crossing his arms 

“ Harry.. you are sure you are taking your medications?”

Harry nodded without looking

“ any new physical activity..” Zayn was still looking at the file in his hand 

Harry sighed then looked at Zayn “ just the usual"

Zayn looked at him “ okay.. you and Louis.. did you .. you know... did you do it..” he said shyly

Harry smiled, then shook his head and looked down again

Zayn sighed and walked towards Harry “ Harry.. tell me what is happening? I don’t like what I see, what is it?”,  
Harry knew what was happening

Zayn sighed “ okay... you know this is between us right? So tell me"

Harry finally started “ last night. someone sent me a message.. I don’t know who.. but it says ..  
Louis is cheating on me"

Zayn for a second looked pale, Harry saw that but he didn’t say anything

Zayn said trying to look normal “ what are you talking about Harry.. of course not"

Harry nodded “ yeah.. yeah.. but I don’t know. I guess it tensed me up or something "

Zayn nodded, but he said nothing else, instead he looked at the file in front of him trying to busy himself by writing any notes

Harry was looking at Zayn waiting for any reassurance, but it never come.

Zayn looked at Harry finally trying to give him a reassuring smile, then he stood up

“ wait for me here"

And he left the room without waiting for Harry's response. and of course if Harry had some doubts, Zayn just assured it. 

Harry didn’t wait for Zayn, instead he left the room , he then headed towards the department where Louis used to work. he opened the interns room, but he didn’t found Louis, except doctor Michael, someone worked with Louis

“ hello there... how are you Harry"

Of course he knew him, Harry spent a lot of his time at this room with Louis. 

Harry smiled, Dr Michael “ what are you doing here? “

“ I was looking for Louis..”

Michael frowned “ he is not working tonight Harry.. something happened between you two? "

Harry looked at the ground trying to distract himself form the thoughts in his mind, where was Louis? What was happening?

He then looked at Michael and tried to smile “ no, no everything okay.. I must forgot" 

Then he excused and left , he left the whole hospital, not returning back to Zayn, not caring what Zayn had to say about his heart, something wrong was happening, and he must know what.

************  
“ are you breaking up with me?”

asked Mark looking sad and lost, with shinny glossy eyes

Louis was looking back at him, he was ashamed at himself, Mark was a good guy and he didn’t deserve this and also Harry didn’t deserve this, he had to fix the situation he put himself through. He already decided to be for Harry, and only for him. 

So when he drove his car to Mark's place, he knew it would not be an easy talk, and he knew he was going to break Mark’s heart tonight.

“ I am so sorry Mark.”

Mark shook his head in disbelief, he squeezed his eyes then he looked at him “ you have someone else.. right?”

Louis looked down, Mark nodded “ he is that musician?”

Louis again didn’t talk, Mark nodded, he paced the room “ I knew it. I mean he is attractive and .. okay..” then he took a deep breath “ so, what we have is now over? "

Louis finally looked at him “ I don’t know what to say.. really.. I am just sorry, you don't deserve this you are a good man, but him... It is always him" 

Mark was looking at him, then he walked towards him, and stopped right in front of him

“ I can’t... I can’t let you go..”

Louis was looking at him, he felt his heart twisted “ I am so sorry"

Mark eyes were full of tears, then he wiped them away, he tried to smile “ can I ask for it.. for the last time?”

Louis sighed “ Mark.. it’s...”

Mark stopped him “ it’s the last thing I am asking you. please? "

Louis was still looking at Mark, then he looked down, but Mark surprised him with a kiss on his mouth. 

And of course it wasn’t just the kiss....

After having his last sex with Mark, together they lied naked on the bed, Louis looked at his phone, and he was surprised it was put on silent, he didn’t remember putting it on silent mode, He found five missed calls from Zayn, and a text says

“ CALL ME”

And a text from Harry says “ WHERE ARE YOU?"

“ who are you texting?” asked Mark lighting a cigarette 

Louis looked at Mark, he then smiled, Mark nodded  
“ what was his name again.”

“ Harry..”

Mark nodded, he exhaled the smokes slowly “ Harry. I love his name.. what are you telling him?”

Louis sighed “ he is asking where am I “

Mark nodded “ and?”

“ I hate lying to him... he doesn’t deserve this..” then he looked at Mark “ and you don’t deserve this too.“ 

Mark smiled “ yeah.. yeah..”

Louis looked at him seriously “ I am really sorry Mark.. I don’t mean that.. it’s.. I don’t know what it is.. but Harry is my first love.. my first crush.. and seeing him again brings all the memories back ..”

Mark was surprised “ you knew him since long time..”

Louis nodded , then he smiled “ I knew him since I was nine. we have been at the same school.. but he had to leave with his family when he was maybe sixteen.. I never told him.. and he wasn’t gay at that time..” then he sighed “ but recently I found-”

The door bell rang, it stopped Louis, he looked at Mark frowning “ are you waiting for anyone?”,

Mark took a moment to answer him, then “ no.. I ordered pizza.. can you get that? "

Louis nodded, he stood up and wore his pants only, and he walked to open the door, and when he opened it, his heart skipped a beat, because Harry was there looking at Louis. 

Louis felt the world was spinning around him, he couldn’t talk, he couldn’t think

“ who is this?oh Harry..” said Mark, he was calm, and he was smiling “ I thought you will never come.”

Louis looked at Mark shocked, then he looked back at Harry, Harry was still staring at Louis, Harry chewed his lower lip, he tried to stop the tears, but he failed,  
Then he ran away.

Louis finally gain his power back, he called Harry, he ran too to follow, but he was without his shoes, so he hurried inside again passing Mark, he entered the room, wore the shoes hastily and took his shirt, phone , keys, wallet

Then he saw Mark standing at the door frame still smoking , Louis stopped in front of him  
“ why?”

Mark sighed , he shrugged “ if I can’t have you. no one will"

Louis almost screamed “ you don’t understand"

Then he ran outside looking for Harry, once he left the building , he saw him. 

Harry was walking as fast as he could, Louis ran towards him yelling his name, but Harry tried to walk faster, and of course he couldn’t  
“ please wait..”

Louis reached him, and stopped him “ Harry wait..” he begged

Harry stopped and looked down, he didn’t look at Louis, he didn’t want tol

“ it’s not like what it looks.” Louis started 

Harry shook his head in disbelief, Louis “ Harry.. please. Just let me explain"

Harry was still not meeting Louis' eyes , Louis rubbed his face with his hands “ I know how it looks. but I end it-"

And then Harry looked at him shockingly “ end it?”

Louis nodded, okay he was having a reaction, that he could use “ yes... Yes Harry I did..”

“ it's not the first time ?” Harry asked with weak voice

Louis stopped talking, he couldn't answer that , he looked at Harry’s eyes, it was full of pain , of tears, he thought he was fixing the situation, but actually he screwed up. 

Harry again looked down, he tried to take a full breath, but it didn’t happen, he put his hand on his chest and now Louis was feeling scared. 

“ Harry.. listen..” he was getting closer trying to touch him

“ don’t you dare..” Harry said sternly, Louis stopped his hand in the middle, then he dropped it beside him

“ I am sorry..” Louis said and he was crying, yes he was , he didn’t know what else to say, he was feeling angry at himself, he hurt Harry and he hurt him bad. 

“ I can’t-” Harry said struggling to have a full breath

“ Harry... please let me help you.” Louis said frantically when he saw Harry trying to lean on the wall behind 

“ don’t.. don’t touch.. me" Harry whispered, wheezing, his body started to tremble, then Louis saw his body was jolted suddenly, then Harry slid down sitting on the ground, his legs stretched in front of him and Louis sat in front of him, he was looking at Harry frantically waiting for something he didn't know what exactly. 

“ no, no,no, Harry...” he was begging and crying 

Harry looked in front without any expression, then his body was jolted again, Louis understood what was happening, Harry was receiving shock after shock.  
After the fourth one Harry closed his eyes, and his body lost the balance, it was going to lie down hard on the ground, but Louis helped him, he knew Harry fainted,. Louis was crying, he was shaking, he called the ambulance, and he sat by Harry waiting, counting the shocks and they were a lot, they were fifteen... and Louis himself felt his heart stopped. 

Fifteen.

GOD... What did he do??


	6. Chapter 6

It was so hard to watch Harry’s continuous shakings time after time. Fifteen times Harry’s body was jolted, he was unconscious thanks to God, but it also meant there was a big problem going on. 

Louis called for help and sat beside him trying to remember how to help, how to perform CPR, his mind was frozen, his hands were shaking, and he could not stop crying until the ambulance arrived. 

When Louis found his voice, first thing he did was calling Zayn, he told him what happened with  
Harry and Zayn told him he would be waiting for him with Dr Bailey at the hospital. 

When the ambulance arrived, they were acting frantically in a big rush, and they took Harry directly on the stretcher inside on of the emergency room. 

Louis was following and he entered with them the room, no one told him not to, he was a doctor after all.   
he watched them talking and for the first time he couldn't understand a word. Then an oxygen mask was put on Harry’s mouth, wires were connected to his chest, and then it happened again. his body was jolted. 

Louis cursed and it must be loud because Zayn turned to him and he asked him to leave the room, of course Louis didn’t move, but eventually a nurse nearly pushed him outside , and that made him acting crazy, Louis was always on hot temper, so it wasn’t a big deal, they get used to it. 

An hour later, Dr Baily was out of the room, finally. 

She looked at Louis who was watching her leaning on the wall in front of the room , he wanted to walk to her but his legs weren’t moving. she looked at him and she smiled weakly, then she walked to him

“ he is alive..”

Louis finally could breathe, he closed his eyes to gather himself and hold back the tears, she was watching him, and then she put her hand on his shoulder, and squeezed softly

He looked at her , and then he nodded  
“ will he be okay?”

She sighed “ he will need to be watched for the next two days.. he had VT storm.. it is a case where the patient suffer from appropriate shocks from the ICD”

Louis nodded, he knew what that was, after meeting Harry, he read all about his case, his possibilities, all his complications

The doctor said “ he was under amiodarone as an anti-arrhythmic drug.. it caused him hyperthyroidism case that lead to VT storm..”

Shit... Louis should knew that, how could he missed that? 

The doctor must read his mind cause she said “ it’s no one fault Louis.. it not a common case. so no one would know.. I mean if we need to blame anyone it would be me.. I am the one who put him on it at the first place.”

Louis didn’t say any word, then she looked at Harry’s room “ Zayn is still with him. he hasn't gained  
his full conscious yet but eventually he will. Zayn is preparing him for his room..”

She said that and then she left him. Louis was still looking at the room, his legs still refused to follow his order, his heart beat was still fast, and his full body was still shaking. He had no control over his body although he heard Harry's doctor giving him the news. 

then the door was opened, and number of nurses with Zayn moved Harry on his bed to his room, Louis saw him, his face was still pale, he had a nasal cannula under his nose, his body was connected to a number of wires, then Louis looked at Zayn for any reassurances, but Zayn avoided looking at him. 

Louis finally could move, he followed them then he stopped in front Harry’s room, he took a deep breath, and opened the door, first thing he saw was Zayn sitting beside Harry on a chair staring at him. 

He looked at Louis then looked back at Harry, Louis knew that look, Zayn was angry, and he had all the right to be angry.

Louis then looked at Harry, and God it hurt, his stomach twisted, although he saw a lot of people at Harry’s place, but seeing Harry like this caused a different ache in his heart, Harry always acted strong, always looked strong, but right now he was weak, he looked small in between all those machines and wires, he looked as a patient waiting for a new heart to survive. 

Louis took few steps forward , but  
“ don’t you dare ..” it was Zayn threatening 

Louis looked at Zayn, he was still staring at Harry

Zayn “ he almost died Louis.. what did you do?"

Louis almost lose his balance, he looked back at Harry,  
“ he knew..” Zayn said

“ how ?”

Zayn finally looked at him, but his eyes was firing at Louis “ someone sent him a text saying you were cheating on him.. he told me and i tried to call you but of course you didn’t answer, you were busy fucking that twat"

Louis winced at that, Zayn did tried to call him, but his phone was being silent, and now he knew  
how

Zayn raised his voice  
“ look at him Louis. what did you do? why are you doing this? why are you being that selfish? I am trying to understand I am trying to give you any excuse but I just.. I can't ". 

Louis was looking at Harry, he whispered “ please stop.”

Zayn took a deep breath , then he stood up, and he walked and stopped beside Louis  
“ I am giving you just five minutes and then I want you out of this room" 

Then he left

Louis looked at Harry again, he felt he didn’t deserve those five minutes, he didn’t deserve Harry, he was a bad man with horrible mistakes, he was a man with a broken past, and Harry didn’t need all of that. 

That last month, every thing was perfect, Harry finally loved him back. finally.   
he told him he always loved him too , they were in love, everything was just like he always dreamt of but he still cheated on him, he was spending the day with Harry, and then leave him to sleep with Mark.   
He never touched Harry sexually , not because Harry’s condition, but he was scared , he didn't want to get used to this, and then Harry leaves him again but this time forever. 

he was afraid that Harry’s heart would never take it, but Harry's heart also didn’t take the pain Louis caused him   
He let him down..

He sat beside Harry, he was crying now because he felt disgusted , he felt filthy. here in front of him  
Lying the only one he loves, and he was the reason for this, for his suffer. 

he felt weak. What could he do, how could he fix it, would Harry ever forgive him, those questions were suffocating him, he wiped his tears away, and then he touched Harry’s hand, and he slowly kissed it. it killed him, he always wanted Harry and he knew this was the end, even if Harry forgave him, he could never forgive himself

“ Lou..” Harry whispered

Louis snapped his head up “ Harry... oh my God..you are awake. are you okay?”

Of course he wasn't okay

Harry was barely opening his eyes, he said looking slowly around “ what happened?”

Louis froze, he didn't know how to answer that, he just kissed his hand again and he let the tears fall

“ why are you crying.. I am okay.” Harry said weakly

Louis nodded “ yes... you are baby..”

Harry then stopped talking, he looked at Louis shockingly “ oh Louis!! ”

he then closed his eyes, and he moved his hand from Louis slowly, his heartbeats again got faster. Louis looked at the heart monitor and he again got worried  
Louis knew Harry must remembered. 

Louis cried “ I am so sorry Harry... I will explain everything I swear to God.”

Then he saw tears falling on Harry’s face, Louis “ please don’t cry... I am so sorry"

“ I need Perrie..” Harry almost whispered

Louis nodded wiping his tears away “ okay.. I will call her"

“ get out.”, the monitor started to make loud sounds,

Louis was scared and shocked, he needed to talk and to explain, he felt If he didn't do it now he wouldn't have a chance “ I am sorry..”, he didn’t move his eyes from the monitor, Harry' heartbeats were getting higher,  
Harry didn’t say any other word, Louis bit his lower lip to stop his tears

"please, just go" 

Louis looked at Harry's face, he was crying but his eyes were still closed, he didn't want to see Louis, not now. 

he slowly nodded although he knew Harry couldn't see him, then he whispered again  
“ please... I am sorry..”

He waited for any response, any sign, but nothing, then he slowly stood up and he left the room, he didn’t want to cause Harry any farther damage 

Outside , once Louis left the room , Zayn entered again without saying any word

Louis walked to the interns room, he was tired, exhausted, angry, ashamed, mixed feelings he experienced, and they were eating him alive. 

He lied his body on the couch, Harry needed Perrie, Perrie who was now nearly living with her boyfriend, because she finally felt safe enough to leave Harry alone, she told Louis that she trusted him, she knew Louis would take care of Harry, he would never hurt him, shame on him again. 

He let her down too. 

He put out his phone , he dialled her number,  
“ hello..”

But Louis cried when he heard her voice 

“ Louis.. are you there?”

Louis tried to talk, to answer her, but he couldn’t  
“ oh my God... is it bad? What happened?”

He still couldn't talk, he squeezed his eyes and he really tried to talk 

Perrie now started crying “ please tell me he is alive..”

Louis finally cleared his voice “ he is... God.. I am so sorry .. he needs you..”

Nothing else was said, that was all it needed, Perrie hanged up without a goodbye, and Louis knew she was  
Already on the way

Louis closed his eyes, but the door was opened violently that Louis startled

Zayn

Louis stood up looking at Zayn who was glaring at him angrily

“ you fucking bastard... you said you were ending it"

Louis's heart was beating fast “ I did..”

Zayn yelled “ you slept with him.? ”

But Louis didn’t answer, Zayn yelled again  
“ oh God.. you did? Answer meyou coward, did you? "

Louis yelled back, he had enough, he couldn't control his emotions, he couldn't control his feelings and he needed to be free “ I did" 

A punch on the face

Louis falled on the couch feeling horrible pain on his right cheek

“ why?” Zayn still yelling furiously

Louis touched his cheek , and it would leave a bruise for sure and he was okay, he felt he deserved it.  
Louis looked at Zayn

“ just tell me why. why are you doing this? because this was true love.. you were happy.. why?”

Louis's eyes were glassy now “ because... it Isn’t real.”

Zayn was confused

“ I am ... this is all I wanted ever since I was eleven when I realized that I feel something different for him... I never told him before I was scared I might lose him.”

He wiped his tears “ I couldn’t get in any relation because I trapped myself in this place...I never thought I will see him again.. we can never be together and no one else was enough for me.. no one else was him. do you know how I was when he left me.I wake up one day and he was gone... he never said goodbye he instead left me this..”

He put out his wallet and he put out a piece of paper,  
“ it only says goodbye I will always remember you..”

He then chuckled “ I know it sounds stupid to be stuck in this place where you are loving someone who will never be yours .. that yoy never will see.. I mean sometimes I feel stupid too, why I am doing this? "

He tried to control his voice “ I don’t know why I am doing this.. but I am like this ever since his gone. I am a man whore filthy little shit.. I know.. I couldn't get in love... because I was already in love.. with him"

Zayn face melted

Louis shook his head “ but I don’t know why I swear to God I tried .. when I met him... when I finally was his and he was mine...but he is dying..”

The tears was falling “ I can’t get used to this feeling because it’s scary. I know you don’t believe me... for you we are just together for a month... but it felt much more I love him Zayn and he is leaving me again and I am fucking scared because this time it will be true.. it will be forever"

Zayn shook his head “ he is not dying... we still waiting"

“ what if it never happened in time. this last month I loved to believe we are fine and every time I thought of it.. of he will die suddenly and leave me again alone so I ran to Mark.. because I needed to distract my mind from this.. it’s killing me alive and I am sorry.. I did a horrible mistake.. and he will never forgive me and I hurt him.. and I-"

He cried now, he sobbed collapsing back at the couch,  
Zayn walked slowly to him, he embraced him tightly  
“ he will not die... I promise you" 

“ you don’t know that"

Zayn nodded “ I don’t... but I still promise"

Then he looked at Louis in the eyes “ please.. don’t do this. don’t hurt yourself.. you both need each other, please stop"

Louis sighed wiping his tears away “ it’s over Zayn.. I've already lost him”

“ then win him back again..”

Louis looked at him confused

“ he doesn’t deserve this, try again.. you can do it..”

Louis stopped talking, he started to think of Zayn's words.   
yes he would do it, he could do it, and he hoped he could win him again, this time he wouldn't let him go again, this time he would fight for him, only if Harry decided to give him another chance.


	7. Chapter 7

Two hours later Perrie was there, Harry was sleeping when she arrived, but she didn’t leave his room.   
Louis was passing by the room from time to time, he knew Harry wasn’t waking up anytime soon, he tried to convince Perrie to leave but she refused, instead she slept at the couch beside Harry.

Louis was having a long Surgery the next morning, and he didn’t sleep the whole night, he couldn’t, so during the Surgery he could barely focus, and when his doctor noticed how lost he seemed he dismissed him.   
In other time, Louis would lose his mind and became angry, but today he couldn’t care less, He walked directly to Harry’s room, but the door of his room was opened and Niall went out, looking extremely worried, and sad.

He noticed Louis in front of him, so his features changed, he became confused

“ what the hell happened?” he asked

Louis looked at the closed door “ is he awake?”

“ did you break up?”

Louis looked at him frowning, Niall “ he says so... so what happened?”

Louis sighed “ okay.. I will tell you.. but I need to see him first"

Niall shook his head “ I don’t think he wants to see you"

Louis didn’t move, he didn’t talk

“ I am sorry.. but he told Zayn that"

Okay.. that was expected

Louis nodded “ who is inside?”

Niall took a deep breath “ his flatmate and Zayn just got in to see his vitals or whatever..tell me what happened"

“ how did you know?”

Niall just shrugged “ I was calling you  
and I was calling him... but no one answered. I called Zayn and he told me Harry is in the hospital"

Louis nodded but he again looked at the closed door. 

Niall said “ he never told me the reason he is here for . so what is wrong with him? and what happened between both of you"

Louis rubbed his face, he was dizzy and the headache was too much, but he needed to talk “ okay.. I need some coffee . And I will tell you"

*********

In Harry's room everything was different than last night. 

Harry was full awake, lying on the bed resting his back on the pillow in thirty degrees angle , his face was less pale, but still had his nasal cannula, his eyes were still darker, and he was still looking exhausted. 

Zayn was taking his vitals and he was completely silent. Harry was talking to Perrie, and Zayn understood he still didn’t tell her anything about what happened between him and Louis, all she knee they broke up.

“ okay I understand Harry.. but I don’t understand why"perrie said softly to Harry but she couldn't hide how worried and confused she was

Harry sighed “ because I am finishing my tests next month.. and I will be back to my family. so basically this is my last month here"

“ but you wanted to stay here, to work here . What has changed?”

He huffed “ God Perrie.. Nothing.. I just... I want to spend with them the rest of my days.. and it’s not a lot"

Zayn looked at him , but he didn’t talk, he returned to his work

Perrie asked “ what happened to you. since when you are talking like that. where is your hope? " Harry closed his eyes 

“ if things with both of you didn’t work out you don’t have to quit everything in life... I mean..  
You already knew it wasn't working, you said it yourself " 

Harry didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t comment. 

“ listen Harry.. I am not doing anything. I am not replacing you with anyone.. I understand you just had a terrible night and I know it maybe the reason for those reckless decisions-”

“ I died last night Pezz”  
Then he looked at her, “ I felt it and it was painful.. and the pain didn’t stop.. and I just needed my mom. I want her to take my hand and to tell me it’s going to be okay.. I want her to know that I am not staying for much longer. she always begged me to come back.. she is afraid that I might die away from her.”

he wiped his tears, then said  
“ and I am afraid too"

Zayn finished but he didn’t leave, he listened to Harry, he got emotional and he wanted to reassure harry but he knew he couldn't do that. 

Perrie was trying to hold back her tears “ you are not gonna die you idiot! "

Harry didn’t comment, she looked at Zayn begging for any help  
Zayn finally decided to interfere

“ Harry.. you are not gonna die" 

Harry closed his eyes agai “ I don’t need to hear this Zayn, I don’t need a false hope right now.” he almost snapped and Zayn knew why. 

Perrie said “ it’s not a false hope. Harry you can’t do this now.. I’ve never seen you like this before and this isn’t your first time at the hospital.”

He didn’t answer, still closing his eyes. 

Perrie then cried “ Harry.. please"

He finally looked at her “don't cry Perie, I want some sleep"

Perrie was shocked , she pressed her mouth shut , but she couldn’t control the tears, so she ran outside. 

He watched her leaving and it hurt him, but at that moment he didn't need to talk about anything, he didn't want to think, he also wanted to run away and never look back, because right now he remembered everything, Louis opening the door half naked, a man showing from behind with a large grin on his face, also half naked.   
Louis was staring back at him and he didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to say anything, he saw enough anyway. 

He remembered himself trying to run but his weak heart as usual prevented him, the pain in his chest was different, unbearable, he felt both physical and emotional pain and maybe that was the reason his heart went crazy. 

he knew he can handle the physical pain, but the emotional was so much harder, he never experienced such feeling before, he always tried his best to protect himself from falling in love, be always knew what to do except for this time, when he opened his heart he was betrayed from the only one he loved. 

“ I am sorry..” Zayn started

Harry didn’t answer , instead he looked at his lap crossing his arms. 

“ he is not bad Harry... he is--"

“ Zayn... please..” Harry said

“ okay.. okay... but at least listen to him" 

Harry looked at him “ why? So he can deceive me again.. you all deceived me, I mean you all used my weakness against me."

“ what are you talking about?" 

Harry shook his head in disbelief “ I thought we were friends.. but I was wrong. of course you will choose him..”

“ Harry.. don’t do this.. don’t mix the cards"

Harry sarcastically “ really!!!”

“ we are friends. come on you know we are... I like you but I couldn’t tell you because he promised he was ending everything. and he really was... I couldn't tell you what happened because it’s his story to tell... but I need you to know he was worried about you. I was worried about you last night.. I could barely control myself, you were in my hands and I didn’t know what to do..I was scared.. And I had never been scared like this so.. we are friends hell we are" zayn was shaking now looking at Harry with big eyes that were filled with tears 

Harry didn’t talk, he believed Zayn, he liked Zayn a lot, he knew he spoke his heart and he knew he was worried about him and he was doing his best to save him. The truth was Harry knew he wasn't gonna make it, no one could save him. 

“ I know what Louis did was awful.. I know he hurt you.. I am not gonna defend him because this is his job.. But you have to listen to him.”

Harry sighed “ I can’t..”

“ why not Harry! "

“ he was cheating Zayn. I mean why he got in relation with me if he doesn’t want it

“ he wants it" 

“ then why"

“ that’s why you should listen to him"

Harry took deep breath “ I don’t know. I can’t blame him too"

Zayn was confused

“ I mean... I can’t feel angry at him. I want to.. but I know why... I know.. that’s exactly why  
I never wanted to get myself in any kind of those relationships"

He took a moment to control his voice “ I know I am a big burden for anyone and I know how much it scares Louis.. he never says a word but I can read it all over his face"

Zayn was watching him “ first of all you are not a burden Harry... you just need to talk that’s all"

Harry finally nodded, Zayn stood up “ ok.. you need some rest.. I will to see you on two hours"

Harry closed his eyes nodding, yes he needed rest, and it took him a few minutes and he was sleeping.

******  
At the cafe of the hospital, Niall and Louis were sitting, Louis told him everything that happened 

Niall was angry and he was also worried

“ and you just slept with him.. that easy!! "

Louis sighed “ listen Niall.. I know how do you think of me.. and I know I did a mistakebut I need to fix this"

“ how?” Naill asked 

“ I just need to talk to him..”

Niall shook his head on disbelief “ I don’t know what to tell you.. I mean I don’t know what to do if  
I was in his place"

Louis sighed

“ and tell me, will he be okay.. like you know physically okay?”

Louis shrugged “ right now.. he Is under observation.”

“ okay and then.. he will be okay."

Louis looked at Niall and said the words with caution “ he needs a heart transplantation" 

Niall looked at him “ what does it mean?”

“ a new heart Niall.. that what it means. he is on the system but he is not at top of the list. so he still have to wait till his number comes.”

Niall didn’t talk, but he turned pale, and that’s why Harry hated to tell people about his actual case, right now Louis could see. 

Louis tried “ but he will be okay.. eventually"

Again Niall nodded but he seemed distant, then Louis saw Perrie coming towards them , and he knew she was crying

Louis stood up and walked to her “ what’s wrong? “

Perrie looked at him still crying “ we need to talk”

******  
Perrie told Louis what exactly happened between her and Harry  
And Louis knew why exactly Harry wanted to leave, Perrie was worried about him so much, Harry never lost hope like this and she thought that only meant one thing, Harry was feeling dying and the idea alone broke her. 

Louis calmed her down as much as he could and asked her to leave and come tomorrow, maybe if he talked to Harry he might change his mind, Finally she was convinced and she left the hospital. 

Louis finished his rounds, and he had to see Harry before heading home, he knew Harry must be asleep now, which was better. 

When he opened the door, he saw Harry sitting on his bed,so he was awake. 

he looked at Louis, eyes full of tears, and in a second Louis was standing beside him looking frantically at him

“ what? Are you okay? Are you in pain? “

Harry was still looking at him, still crying, he shook his head

“ okay... Then what? Tell me” Louis was examining him and the machines connected to him. 

Harry wiped his tears away “ I will miss you"

Louis froze for a second then he looked at Harry “ Harry... Can you please listen to me"

Harry was looking at him

Louis started “ I am so sorry.. I know I hurt you And that was stupid. But I promise you it will never happen again... I promise you I will never hurt you again"

Harry was watching him, watching his eyes, his mouth, and God he would miss him so much

Finally he removed his eyes from Louis “ it’s okay... I understand “

“ understand what? “

Harry signed “ why did you do it. I understand And I can’t blame you And I am sorry that I made you do this... Choose this. It is not your fault it is mine “

Louis sighed “ what are you talking about?“  
Harry shook his head crying “ it’s not working“

“ Harry don’t do this.. “ Louis felt his eyes stung

Harry cried “ it’s for the best. I understand.. And it’s okay.. I am not even mad at you anymore..  
But this is not working.. I just can’t “

Louis whispering “ can’t what Harry. Are you leaving me?"

Harry stopped talking looking at his lap,

“ please don’t... I am sorry.. Tell me.. Tell me what to do. Tell me how I can make it up for you..  
Name anything.. Don’t please don’t leave me.. “

Harry cried

Louis realised that Harry already had made his decision.

He had to try harder, he knew that  
“ Harry.. Look at me.. “

But Harry didn’t

Louis tried again but this time his voice cracked  
“ Harry.. Please look at me

Harry looked at him, because it hurt to hear Louis crying, he didn’t want to cause him all this shit

“ I love you. I always did... Ever since we were kids.. And I know I did a mistake"

Harry cried looked down again, Louis nodded  
“ I know."

Then he held Harry’s hand “ please.. Don’t do this I am so sorry that I hurt you Harry.. Please.. “

“ stop.. “  
Harry whispered

Then he looked at Louis “ I can’t make it work"

“ you can try... “ Louis begged

Harry shook his head “ I can’t do this to you.. “,

“ I love you.. “

Harry nodded letting the tears fall “ I love you too... But that’s why I need to leave"

Louis cried, Harry “ it’s okay... I want you to remember me that healthy.. Funny singer.. “ he tried to smile 

Then he wiped his tears away “ I am not gonna make it.. And you don’t have to watch

Louis stopped talking, stopped breathing, stopped thinking

Harry finally smiled, he kissed Louise hand “ I love you... I want you to remember this."

Louis shook his head, Harry nodding “ yes... Yea.. Promise me.. You will never look after me."

Louis whispered “ why are you doing this?"

Harry sighed “ I don’t know how to handle this better.. Please.. Don’t make it harder.. I am breaking up with you... But I want to thank you. Last month was the best.. I can’t forget this"

Louis finally wiped his tears “ you are a coward Harry Styles.“

Harry slowly nodded “ it’s okay.. “

Louis was getting angry, he yanked Harry ‘s hand away, and then he looked at Harry

“ I don’t know why are you doing this, but if you don’t want to be with me any more.. Then fine..  
As you like.. “

Louis was angry, he was hopeless, and he knew this was a lost battle, Harry would leave, Harry was really ending this, Harry was losing hope of life, and Louis felt helpless, he couldn't think of anything to stop him,  
He stood up looking at Harry, still crying, still watching him

“ fine Harry I won’t look for you.. You want to die alone And it’s your only decision.. Fine.. “

Harry still watching, Louis “ so goodbye.. “

And Harry nodded pressing his mouth shut, he did not want to talk any more, he knew if he talked he would ask Louis to stay, not to leave him, not now. 

Louis wiped his tears again, and he looked up  
“ I am doing it for you. This is not what I want Harry.. “

Harry nodded, Louis shook his head in disbelief, then he finally left the room, but he heard, he heard Harry sobbing, and it hurt, he was hurt too, so he ran away, so far away from the hospital, he wanted to run away as far as he could get, he needed to think, how to fix this. 

******  
Louis was at a pub when his phone rang, he was not totally drunk, his second glass in his hand, he  
answered the phone it was Zayn

“ yes Zayn.. “

Zayn’s voice was wired “ where are you Louis"

Louis’s heart fall down “ what happened?,”

Zayn again “ where are you.. “

Louis stood up leaving the glass “ is it Harry? “

“ you need to come.. Now.. “

“ Zayn? “

“ I am so sorry Lou.. “

So sorry Lou....


	8. Chapter 8

Louis opened his eyes suddenly, he was breathing fast and was all sweaty, his heart was jumping from his chest. 

He looked around him, it was a bedroom, he was lying on a bed, the window was opened and the sun rays were penetrating through the room, the curtains were flying by the breeze. The place was calm, he hears nothing. 

He tried to figure out what happened, where was he, he kinda remembered this room, but he can’t knew where he was...

HARRY!!!

Louis jumped out of the bed, he ran outside, he was panicking, he was dizzy, and he was this close from losing his conscious. 

“ are you okay Louis? “a muffled voice coming from a distance, Louis turned to see who he was, and he saw a fade figure of Niall

Then he felt someone touching him from behind, and helped him to sit. 

Louis closed his eyes to control everything, his breathing, his heartbeats, he needed to calm down

When he opened his eyes again, God knows when, he saw three faces looking worriedly at him, Niall, Liam and Zayn. 

“ are you okay Louis how do you feel?"  
It was Zayn

“ I think he is losing his conscious again.. “ Liam said

Louis was looking between the three frantic men, then he stopped his eyes on Zayn

“ what happened? “ he almost whispered

Zayn looked confused “ I don’t know.. “

“ you knocked yourself out last night.” it was Niall

Then he looked at them, Niall continued “ you were at the pub, Jamie the bartender has my number so he called me.. “

Louis tried to remember, but he failed

Then he looked again at Zayn “ tell me where is he?What happened? “

Zayn got more worried “ Louis.. I need you to focus man, What is your problem? “

Louis was still looking frantically at Zayn “ tell me he is alive."

Zayn was still confused “ WHO harry?"

Louis looked at him begging for an answer, Zayn  
“ yea.. He is alive. Still I hospital but he is alive, what's wrong? “

Louis was still frantic and now also confused “ you called me.. Last night.. You told me to come back to the hospital”

Zayn looked at him and smiled softly “ that didn’t happen Lou.. I guess your mind played tricks on you “

Louis was still looking confused “ does this mean he is okay? “

Zayn nodded trying to convince him “ he is the same Lou.. He is alive"

Louis took a moment to absorb what he just heard, then he looked at zayn  
“ I need to see for myself"

Zayn “ I am not lying.. “

Louis didn’t hear him, he stood up and he said again “ I have to see him.“

******

When Louis entered Harry’s room he was still feeling he wouldn't find him, that he would see an empty bed, and Perrie crying on it. 

But he was wrong, Harry was here, lying on his bed watching TV, when he saw Louis at the door staring back at him with wide eyes, with pale face and he was breathing fast

Harry got worried, he swallowed his fear  
“ are you okay?"

Louis entered the room, walked directly towards him, then he cupped his face with his hands, he looked at his eyes, he wanted to make sure it was real, what he saw earlier was just a dream although it felt too real, no it was an awful nightmare. 

“ lou” Harry said again, confusion all over his face

“ I don’t care.. “ Louis started

Harry was still looking at him, at his eyes, he frowned, what was his wrong..

Louis continued “ I don’t care if you don’t want me stay with you... I am not leaving Harry no matter what. I want you back in my life.. I did a mistake and I am making things right now and I am not taking no as an answer"

“ we talked Lou..”

Louis shook his head and his eyes stung “ I don’t care.. I am not leaving you. I don’t care If you think you will die soon.. If You don’t want me to watch you die.. And I know it will hur, But I don’t care... Even if you have one day left I don't care, i want to be here “Harry started to cry

“I will be here. I will stay.. I will take care of you... I will hold your hand And I will wipe you tears away... I will try to help you to bear the pain.. I will do it.. I can do it"  
He was crying too

“ why? “ Harry almost whispered

“ because... Because.. It’s you who make me perfect.. I was lost and when I met you I was found again... Because I love you, I loved you.. And I will always love you... Because you deserve this"

Harry cried “ no.. You don’t have to"

“ I want to.. Please don’t push me away.. I need this.. I need to feel like I am alive.. That I worth something, that my life worth something.. Please give me that chance... Please. “

Harry closed his eyes and let the tears fall on his cheeks

Louis kissed him softly on his mouth, and then he wiped his tears with his thumbs

“ we can do it.. We will do it.. “

Harry finally nodded, and then he hugged Louis, he hugged him tight

“ I am so scared."

Louis did not expect that

“ I am so scared Lou... I don’t want to die yet. I want to be okay. “

Louis nodded “ you will be"

“ it hurts.“

Louis cried now but tried to look stronger , he bit his lower lip hard, buries his face in Harry's curls

“ I know love.. I am sorry Harry.. I am so sorry"

Harry cried on Louis ‘s lap

“ I was afraid that you will leave.. I never wanted you to leave"

Louis sighing trying to calm him “ I wasn’t going to leave you idiot! "  
“ I want you to stay."

“I am.. I am not leaving Hazza.. “

Oh that old nickname, Harry cried harder at that  
“ I love you.. Lou."

“ I love you more love... I love you “

Then Harry looked at him, and he smiled  
“ sleep with me.. “

“ what?! “ Louis was confused

Harry giggled “ just lie down beside me Lou... I can’t do it now."

Then he gave him a room, Louis also giggled “ I wasn’t.. I swear.. “

Then he lied beside him, embracing Harry with one hand  
“ do you think they will fire me if they saw me making out with a patient? “

Harry looked at him surprisingly “ a patient? I am your boyfriend.. I don’t think they will say anything"

Louis smiled, he rested his head back on the pillow  
“ I had a dream last night.. It was about you"

Harry nodded “ bad dream I guess.“

Louis shook his head “ maybe... But at least it made me know that I can’t let you go that easily...  
That I will fight to get you back.. “

Harry smiled “ I saved you the war then “

“ I was ready to do anything for you Harry"

Harry rested his head on his chest, he closed his eyes

"I am glad you had that dream then. “

Louis nodded “ I am glad too.. “

*******

Next week Harry finally left the hospital, he was still week, still anxious, he could barely sleep and he couldn’t stop his mind from bringing that awful night over and over again. 

His mother couldn't come, her husband Robin was terminally ill, and when Harry knew he begged her not to come, Gemma was on the other side of the world, so when she knew she spent hours with him on face time crying, he asked her also not to come, and he told her about Louis, and she was more than happy for him, she promised she would visit as soon as she can. 

Louis took two days to watch over Harry, he knew he wasn’t sleeping well but he didn’t know why. 

Harry was getting better, eating better, so basically he was trying to act brave so he wouldn't scare Louis again. 

Louis was making breakfast at the kitchen, Harry was still sleeping when he got a call from Perrie, she told him she couldn't come home tonight, she was visiting her parents in Doncaster and there was a storm so basically all the main roads were closed. 

That meant one thing, Harry would spend the night alone since Louis must return back to work, the idea alone scared Louis, and he knew Harry would feel the same too, but there was nothing to do. 

He took the breakfast on the tray and headed towards Harry’s room, he expected to find him sleeping, but Harry was awake, leaning on the headboard looking at his phone

“ good morning sunshine.. “ Louis started

Harry looked at him smiling “ good morning Louis"

then Louis put the tray on the bed, it contained two orange juices, some fruits, and cereals, Harry looked at it surprised

“ wow... I love it. “ then he took one strawberry “ I will get used to it, you gotta stop babying me"

Harry said trying to smile, but Louis felt there was something wrong

“ are you okay? “ he asked trying not to look worried, Harry hated it when he was worried

Harry was chewing the strawberry he smiled and nodded 

He lied

Louis “ slept well?”

Again he nodded, again he lied

Louis decided not to push it, he took his orange juice and started to drink, he looked away trying to give Harry his space

“ Harry what is this bag? “

At the corner of the room, there was a bag, small one,  
Harry looked at it and smiled  
“ it’s my hospital bag.. “

Louis looked confused, Harry continued  
“ you know when I get the call.. “

Now he got it, when he got the call for the operation,

Harry sighed  
“ when I was placed at the transplant list.. They asked my to get ready.. See my doctor regularly, see my dentist. Make sure all my vaccinations were up to date... Pack up the bag...”

Louis nodded again “ when was that?"

Harry remembering “ I guess it was two years ago... When they told me Harry you have five years left.. So we need to place you at the list... And I am waiting.. Still waiting.. “

he chuckled sarcastically, then he took his juice and took a big sip " they are waisting my time"

“ five years.!!“ Louis whispered, he looked shockingly at Harry, Harry looked at him also shocked, and then it hit him

“ God.., Lou. I am so sorry I thought you know. You told me you talked to Dr Bailey"

Louis swallowed his tears hardly “ she didn’t mention that"

Harry put down the juice, he held one hand of Louis  
“ its okay.. “

Louis nodded, cause that was stupid, he was supposed to be the one who says its okay to Harry, he was the one who was supposed to reassure him

Harry smiled “ okay.. Tell me what do you know about my case, Let’s get it over with. “

Louis looked at him, but Harry nodded still smiling,  
“ you know what. I will tell you my story... Finish your juice. “

Louis smiled, Harry was talking as if he was telling him a bedtime story

“ remember when I was awarded as outstanding Swimmer when I was fifteen.. “

Louis nodded

“ okay.. I never stopped swimming... I love to swim like I could spend my whole day at the pool.. “

Louis nodded smiling “ yeah I remember.. “

Harry smiled back “ ok so I practiced swimming three time a week.. Unfortunately it didn’t last for long.. When I was eighteen.. Everything crashed down on me, I would get out of breath after about two laps and it was a struggle everyday to swim. My mother finally took me to the doctor to see what was wrong with me, and we all accounted it as the return of my asthma, as wheezing was one of my symptoms.. "

He took another strawberry

" So again I was back to asthma medications.. Inhaler was again my best friend... But nothing changed... “

He gave Louis a strawberry, he didn't want to scare Louis, , and so Louis took it and he was listening very interested

“after yet another doctor visit, my doctor referred me to get a lung x-ray, and in the x-ray results, it was noticed that my heart was enlarged, I mean I know I have a big heart”

He smiled widely, so as Louis

“ but I never know it was really big... I was then referred to a cardiologist, and there where I know what I finally suffered from.. I was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy, and my ejection fraction was so low that my doctor was shocked that I wasn’t currently hospitalized. The only reason my symptoms were so minimal was because I was a swimmer. After immediately being put on heart medications,, and it was the worst thing happened to me... At least that what I thought... “

He took a deep breath

“ In the beginning, things did not immediately change. I took daily medication for my heart and my ejection fraction slowly improved and became stable. But one day. And suddenly , I had a sudden cardiac arrest, landing me in the ICU . I was there for an entire month and my doctors decided that implanting an ICD would be the best solution.”

And with that Louis froze, he looked at him and for a minute he felt he was shaking, but Harry again smiled as if it was totally okay

“ do you want me to stop? “ he asked softly, but Louis tried to talk

“ no, no go on... It just.. I wasn’t expecting this.. “

Harry smiled “ its really okay"

“ go on.. “

Harry nodded  
“ After that arrest , I finished the rest of the year with no other occurrences, but-“

Then he looked at Louis again, and Louis knew what is coming wasn’t good

Harry said “ the very next year I had two separate cardiac arrests that resulted in my ICD firing and landing me in the hospital for a week each time, making me ruin Gemma's graduation.. In fact, the second cardiac arrest was at the day of her graduation... I was so mad after that at myself.. “

He looked mad right now

“ I was having also some exams so can you imagine studying while in the hospital, but proudly I was still able to achieve all A’s in my classes.. You know nothing can keep my down.. “ he smiled and  
Louis knew he was trying to lighten to mood,  
“ After those two events the rest of my education years were relatively peaceful. I did not experience any more episodes, and I finally convinced mom that I can stay here in London alone.. I started also work as a singer you know at the restaurants.. It was an easy Job.. And I nearly exert no effort but I did have to deal with tri-monthly doctor visits These four hour visits often required time... And I had to skip classes, some times work, and also my grades weren’t like I wanted them to be, I had more blood tests than I could count”

Then he looked at his Arms, scars were still there “ sometimes I hated looking at them.. “

Louis tried to control his emotions,

Harry looked at him “ two years ago.. I started to have a lot of arrhythmias, so much so that my doctors decided for me to have a VT ablation. Unfortunately, the VT ablation was not successful and I ended up having two more cardiac arrests resulting in my ICD firing again.. I ended up receiving another cardiac arrest at my birthday.. “

Louis nodded, cause he had nothing to say,  
Harry “ I was again at the hospital for a week, I had to do lots of tests, then after the tests t the doctors found that my cardiac efficacy was barely 50%... That’s when they decided I needed a heart transplant.. “

Harry finished his juice “ and during these two years.. I was going to hospital nearly every weak for different reasons.. And I am still waiting “

Louis looked at him, Harry was looking at the empty fruit plate now

“ crap.. “ Louis said

Harry looked at him, Louis “ you are very strong Harry... Wow. I am so proud of you“

Harry smiled “ thanks"

Louis looked at him, and he tried to still sound strong “ I mean it love.. I mean what a journey you had.. And it still goes on.. And you are not even complaining.. I am so proud of you“

Harry also smiled, but he looked at Louis “ do you understand Louis now.. “

Louis didn’t talk, Harry said  
“ I mean I only have three years left. If you want to freak out. Or go I will totally-“

“ shut the fuck up.. “ Louis stopped him

“ I will never leave Harry... It’s over.. Three years or thirty.. I am gonna be always here... All you have to do is just bearing me" then he smiled  
Harry smiled back

Then they both stopped talking,  
Louis finally said “ Perrie called.. “

Harry nodded “ yeah.. I know she texted me.. Also I got fired

Louis’s face dropped, Harry smiled “ I can’t blame them really.. “

Louis was getting angry “ Harry that’s awful.. How could they... That’s-"

Harry “ come on Lou... It’s an entertaining restaurant.. And the main singer has been gone for almost ten days.. Of course I would get fired I mean I will fire me.. “

“ you were sick.. “

Harry shrugged, Louis sighed “ please tell me they know.. “

Harry smiled “ of course not.. “

Then he left the bed, taking the tray with him, he was leaving the room and Louis was following,

Harry put the empty plates and the empty glasses in the sink, Louis sat on the kitchen table “ I hate to leave you alone.. “

Louis saw Harry tensed for a second, but Harry looked at him smiling

“ it’s okay Lou... I don’t need a babysitter"

Louis sighed “ oh come on, You know what i mean you idiot.. And you don’t even sleep well at night. “

Harry sighed “ I promise I will be fine.. If I felt anything I will call you.. Or Zayn"

“ I wanted to call Niall or Liam... But they both are not in London"

“ please stop.. I don’t need this.. I can take care of myself.. It’s not my first time to spend the night alone Lou..”

LOUIS only nodded because he had no other choice, he looked at the window, at the heavy rains, and he sighed, he was worried, and he knew that it wouldn’t help in anything.

*****  
When Louis got back to his hospital, he didn’t expect to have a busy schedule, he had three surgeries, long surgeries, and he could barely talk to Harry, Harry kept telling him he was okay, and maybe that was the only thing that kept him from having bad ideas. 

At the middle of the night, Louis had just finished a surgery, he didn’t want to call Harry maybe he was sleeping , he texted him, but Harry didn’t answer, so Harry was finally asleep. 

Louis entered the interns room for some sleep, but he saw Zayn lying on the big couch, he didn’t know Zayn was there,  
When he sat on the next chair, Zayn opened his eye, when he saw Louis, he nearly jumped “ what happened?"

Louis startled “ what... You scared me Zayn.. “

Zayn was still looking at him, then he sighed, lied back again  
“ you have work today.. “

Louis nodded, Zayn “ I thought something happened. “

Louis shook his head “ no.. He is fine."

Zayn nodded, then he sat on the couch, but he wasn’t okay, he was looking too sad

Louis “ how are you and Gigi.." 

Zayn nodded, Louis looked at him sceptically  
“ are you sure.. “

Zayn sighed “ I don’t know Lou.. Something happened.. I don’t know."

“ what? Did you fight?"

Zayn sighed “ no.. Nothing... But I just... She is always not around.. She is always travelling.. And when she is finally home.. I am stuck here... I don’t know.. But I hate this.. “

Louis nodded “ did you talk?."

Zayn took a deep breath “ I can’t get in touch with her.. Ever since her birthday and I can barely see her..  
”  
Louis nodded “ when will she come back? “

“ it supposed to be tonight... “

Louis smiled “ good... That’s good.. Them maybe you should take two days off.. Spend some time with her.. “

Zayn shrugged “ yeah maybe. “

“ no Zayn... I love Gigi.. Don’t you ever lose her. “

Zayn smiled wide, then he took a deep breath  
“ fine.. Tell me about Harry. “

Louis took a deep breath “ ahhhhhhhh. I am still worried about him.. “

“ why? you said he was okay.“

“ he is okay.. But I don’t know I think he is anxious all the time... He never take off his heartbeat watch.. He can’t sleep.. He only sleeps for two hours maximum. “

Zayn nodded understanding “ it was expected.. His heart and his body just witnessed a tragic situation. Of course he will be sensitive to his heart beat.. You just talk to him.. And watch him too"

“ did you expect this?"

Zayn nodded “ it happens most of the Times to the patient who had VT storm... Sometimes they put them self in a lot of stress leading to severe anxiety attacks.. “

Louis sighed resting his head on his palm,  
“ oh God.. “,

“ it is bad I know.. But it’s his way to deal with his disorder"

“ what should I do? “

“ well talk to him, If it gets worse Maybe he should see a therapist. “

Louis pressed his mouth shut , he shook his head in disbelief, why this was happening with Harry, why he had to suffer all this, he finally took a deep breath, and of course the sleepiness he experienced thirty minutes ago was now completely gone, all he needed was a big cup of coffee.


	9. Chapter 9

Louis was coming home, it was either very early.. Or it was too late, he didn’t come home last night, he had a long surgery and some rounds after.

Louis was killing himself lately, between studying and his work at the hospital, he knew he was avoiding Harry's blaming eyes, he can hardly spend any time with him, and it was upsetting Harry so much, Harry was fighting with his anxiety alone, and he needed Louis but he couldn't ask for him, he never would, he knew Louis was already busy and he hated to be any kind of burden.

so when he came home, it was so calm, Harry was asleep, he thought.

But when he entered the kitchen for some water, he did not expect to see Harry sitting there

“ you are awake? “ Louis said and he couldn’t hide his concern

Harry startled, he was deeply abstracted, so Louis really took him off guard

Harry looked at Louis, trying to calm his heart down, and Louis didn’t miss Harry looking at his heart rate watch, he winced for Harry constant concerns, he didn’t talk to him since Zayn told him about Harry’s possible anxiety, and he knew how hard Harry was fighting. 

Louis moved and sat beside him “ couldn’t sleep again?"

Harry shook his head, Louis “ okay. Would you like to sleep now.?“ he sleeps better when Louis was home

He shook his head “ I have a class this morning “

Class!!  
Louis was surprised, ever since his last attack, and Harry stopped going to his classes

“ you didn’t tell me about that.. “

Harry nodded” I haven’t seen you for three days Lou... You are always either busy at the hospital  
Or studying “

Louis pressed his mouth shut, okay Harry was upset,  
Louis “ you think you are okay, You can handle this? “

He nodded, Louis insisted “ are you sure? “ he didn’t look okay

“ i am fine Lou. God!“ he snapped at him leaving his chair

It didn’t surprise Louis, but he did not want to leave him upset

Louis sighed, Harry gave him his back looking at the window above the sink

“ alright.. Tell me what’s wrong.?“Louis said softly

“ nothing.. “ he answered dryly

Louis being honest “ I am sorry.. I know I was busy lately.. I am sorry I should gave you some time  
“

Harry shook his head, the he looked at Louis “ no.. Don’t. I mean I understand.. It's just I am so bored I am like losing my mind here “

Louis nodded “ tell me what do you want to do. I am not busy for tonight.”

Harry looked at him “ you need some sleep. Last week you barely slept for two hours. “

Then he took a deep breath “ I think.. I am gonna go for a walk.. And then I will go to my class. “

He was leaving the kitchen, but Louis called  
“ Harry.. “

Harry stopped but he didn’t look at him

“ come here. Let’s set and talk.. “

Harry shook his head “ no.. You go to sleep. “

He was leaving again, but Louis rushed to his side, and took his hand, Harry looked at him

“ let’s set and talk.. “ he said again, not in an ordering manner

Harry finally nodded, he had no choice

Louis took his hand and together they sat at the kitchen table “ would you please tell me what is the problem. “

He didn’t talk

“ I know you don’t sleep.. I know you keep looking at your heart rate watch every minute. You are out of the mood.. What’s wrong?"

Harry avoided looking at Louis, but he sighed saying  
“ I am scared.. “

Louis nodded, he knew

“ I am so scared to have it again.. I am afraid to go outside. I don’t know... But I am just scared all the time."

Louis nodded, Harry then looked at him “ and you are always away, I can hardly see you.. Always at the hospital. It scares me more Louis... What if it happens and I was here alone, What if it happens and I was asleep?" 

“ Harry... It’s not gonna happen again. “

“ it will.. “ Harry sighed 

Louis frowned “ no! Why are you saying this? It has been what?a month? And you are okay again.. Everything is okay, right? “

Harry didn’t talk, Louis closed his eyes in frustration, Harry hid something

“ what happened? “

Harry took a deep breath “ I got two shocks"

Louis tried to act as normal as he could, he hated that Harry hid those things from him, that talked and Harry promised 

“ when? “

“ two weeks ago... And then last Friday. “

Louis shocked “ Harry.. That was two days ago!! I was even home. Why didn’t you say anything?  
“

Harry shrugged “ you were studying, I didn’t want to distract you “

Louis was getting really angry “ Harry!! You promised, Damn it. Do you know why it happened? “

Harry shrugged “ maybe because I am anxious all the time... I don’t know"

Louis stood up “ okay.. Let’s go and see."

Harry frowned looking at him “ where?"

“to the hospital"

“ no"

“ Harry its not the time to be stubborn"

Harry shook his head “ I am not. I am just feeling okay now.. I am not going. I have a class and then I have to see Ed"

Louis was getting angry, Harry looked at him  
“ please don’t. Don’t act crazy on me now. I am fine I promise"

“ you had two shocks and you didn’t tell me.. “ Louis said rubbing on his face, trying to erase his coming headache, trying not to panic. 

Harry nodded, he noticed how exhausted Louis looked “ but I feel okay now." Harry stepped closer and tried to to press his forarm to reassure him

Louis had to nod, had to let him go, he didn’t know how to stop him, Harry wasn’t a kid after all, he was living with this condition for years, he knows how to take care of himself. Harry kissed his cheeks and walked out of the kitchen. 

*****

Louis found it hard to sleep, he was worried, he was angry, and he was frustrated. 

He wanted to call Zayn and tell him, but he knew that would make Harry more upset, he had to learn how to trust Harry, it was hard, it was exhausted, but he had to. 

When he opened his eyes again, it was dark, so he slept for long hours. 

He left his bed, and he walked to the kitchen to look for Harry, but Harry wasn’t there, not in the living room, not in the whole flat. 

Louis ran to his phone to see if Harry called him, but no one called him, he tried to call Harry, but his phone was switched off, okay calm down Louis. 

He called Ed, but he told him he left them three hours ago, What the hell !!! he wanted to call Perrie, but she wasn’t at London, so she must knew nothing. 

He called Zayn, Zayn was at the hospital, and no he knew nothing about him too, not even Gigi. 

Louis literally was losing his mind, It was ten pm and Harry wasn’t there

Eleven!

Twelve!!

And that was it, Louis decided to go and look for him, he felt he was going crazy, and he couldn’t breath this way, he was sure something wrong must had happened. 

He dressed and was leaving, when he heard the flat door finally was opened, and Harry entered. 

Louis ran towards the door, looking extremely panicked, and he saw Harry getting in really calm, looking okay. 

He looked at Louis, and then he frowned, he knew there was something wrong

“ are you going out? “ be asked cautionly

Louis couldn’t take it anymore “ where the hell have you been Harry?! I looked for you, I called everyone.. “  
he was yelling

Harry looked at him, he was shocked “ calm down Louise. I didn’t charge my phone so the battery died'

And no it didn't calm him down

Louis was still yelling “ you could have called me from any fucking where"

“ I thought you were sleeping. I didn't want to disturb your sleep"Harry tried

“ you scared the shift out of me Harry. Stop being childish. Can’t you be responsible for a second. “ he didn't mean it at all but he was really worried,  
He was angry, and that how he expressed his concerns. 

Harry pressed his mouth shut, he knew Louis was worried, and it was totally okay

“ I was going to look for you"

“ I am sorry Louis. “ Harry said getting inside, he had to end this conversation, he didn’t want to get mad too, or to get in a fight with Louis

Louis followed him “ you are not walking on me... Tell me where have you been?I called everyone“

Harry was taking his jacket off, he was shaking but he tried to remain calm “ not everyone Louis.. “

Louis was furious now, Harry was so careless, so cold  
“ God!! Why are you like this? Why are you doing this? “

Harry finally looked at him “ I said I am sorry.. “

Louis was still looking angrily at him

Harry sighed “ Louis I don’t wanna a fight, please... Just I was with Niall okay. If you called him you would know.. I am sorry that I scared you, But please.. Let’s not fight.. “

Louis tried to calm himself

“ I can’t do this... “ Louis finally said

Harry looked at him

“ you make me worry Harry, you are scaring me and making me worry all the time. You are giving me a heart attack, please"

Harry chewed his lower lip, he couldn’t answer that,  
He just whispered “ I am sorry"

Louis just nodded, he left Harry alone on the room to change his clothes, he was still angry and he didn’t want to attack Harry with his words, he knew how Harry was already, he knew he was not himself, and somehow he felt ashamed from being angry at him at the first place.

Louis went to the kitchen directly, he needed a glass of water, he poured himself some water, he drank some, he noticed how his hands were shaking and... suddenly...

he threw the glass on the ground, it shattered into million pieces, he looked at it, he was not himself, he was in so much pressure, he was so stressed and he didn’t know what to do, or who to talk to, he was worried about his studies, about his surgeries, patients, but most importantly he was worried about Harry. 

Louis took a deep breath, and then he bent down to collect all the glass pieces

“ what happened? “ Harry asked shockingly

Louis sighed “ it just slipped.. “

Then he felt Harry was coming closer, and then he bent too, and helped him, Louis took a glance at  
Harry, and then he cursed silently, Harry was crying,  
Louis “ it’s okay Harry... I can do it alone. “

But Harry ignored him, catching the small pieces with his bare hands

“ Harry you are gonna cut your hands. “

Harry just shook his head

“ come on Harry.. Leave it. “ he almost snapped

Suddenly Harry threw all the pieces he just collected again on the floor

“ what do you want me to do?“ He yelled

Louis looked at him surprisingly  
“ I am trying, I am really trying. I don’t know what do you want anymore? You are avoiding me all the time.. You barely sleep with me and don't you dare saying you are worried... You are.... Shit...  
You stopped loving me  
You don’t have to do it Louis.. “

Louis was looking at Harry who was crying and he didn’t know what to say “ I don’t have to do what? “

Harry sighed trying to hold back his tears  
“ stay with me... It’s okay. “

Louis groaned loudly in frustration  
“we talked about it million times"

Harry shook his head, Louis stood up  
“ no.. This is not right.. I don’t like this. “

Louis looked at him, Harry was serious, Harry looked at him  
“ you talked about this When I was lying at the hospital bed... Because of you.. You felt guilty.. You felt it was the only way to make you stop feeling guilty... But this... My condition... My damaged heart is not your fault"he was pointing at his chest

Louis again became angry “ God Harry stop!! What do you want me to do? Do you want me to apologise because I snapped at you? Well I am not... I was angry actually I am still angry.. I don’t understand you any more. This morning you said you were scared from going outside and next thing you came home late leaving me to my mind.. Thinking of every bad scenario that could happen to you"

Harry yelled back “ I am trying okay. I am trying to be okay.. “

“ stop trying. You are not okay. Stop hiding behind this.. You have to face it, You should stop pretending you are okay because you are not okay. You didn’t even tell your friends for God sake “ 

“ because of this"

Louis rolled his eyes and tossed the broken glasses in the sink “ oh not again... “

Harry looked at him shockingly, he couldn't believe it was Louis

Louis was stern, he was angry at Harry, how he was stubborn, how he was hiding not believing his disease

Louis took a deep breath, he walked closer to him  
“ I am worried about you. It’s okay to be worried about you but What is not okay.. Is you not accepting this. Is you hiding important things from me “

Harry was still looking at him, Louis saw the pain in his eyes, and he immediately became sweet to  
him

“ I love you.. That’s why I am worried Harry. It is killing me that I cannot spent time with you  
That I am always busy... I am sorry if I make you think that you don’t come first"

Harry closed his eyes at this word, Harry did believe he didn't come first

“ I don’t know what to do. But I know that I need this to work"

He cupped Harry’s face  
“ you matter to me, I want you safe, and I want you happy. I am so sorry.. “

Harry only nodded, Louis hugged him tight Harry did the same, but Louis knew he was still sad, that it needed more than a talk to convince Harry that he comes first. 

He looked at him “ let’s go have some sleep... You need it"

Harry didn’t argue, he walked with Louis, Louis put him in bed, he lied beside him, and he did not leave until he felt his breathing was louder and deeper.

Louis didn’t sleep that night, he spent the whole night studying, he needed to be free the next day, it was Harry's day, Louis decided.

******

Next morning, he prepared the breakfast for Harry, and he took it to the bed

“ wake up sunshine.. “ he said putting the tray on the bed, and then opening the curtains letting the sun rays spreading through the room

Harry slowly opened his eyes  
“ what are you doing here?“

Louis smiled “ what do you mean? I am making my lovely boyfriend the breakfast.. “

He flipped so he was on his back now “ what time is it? “

Louis smiled and sat beside him “ it’s still early.. But you need to wake up... We have a lot to do.  
“

Harry sat on the bed and looked at Louis so confused  
“ what are you talking about? You are supposed to be at work“

Louis gave him his cup of juice “nope... we.. Are going out today... We will spend the whole day out together.. Doing whatever you want to do"

Harry lookex at him smiling surprisingly  
“ are you serious.. “,

Louis drank and nodded “ of course I am.. “

Harry was still surprised, Louis saw his eyes had changed, they actually smiled, he looked more brighter, then he smiled widely, and Louis realised he hadn’t seen Harry’ dimples for weeks, and it ached his chest

“ Come on Hazza... Eat your breakfast while thinking where do you want to go.. “, Harry sighed still smiling “ to the beach"

Louis looked at him “ really!!. “

He nodded “ I hadn’t gone there for years Lou.. Please.. “

Louis promised himself whatever Harry wanted, he will do it

“ are you sure it’s a good idea.. “

Harry just looked at his lap, and he just shrugged,  
Louis saw Harry was going to be disappointed again, so he just smiled

“ you know what.. Let’s do it.. “

Harry surprised “ what!!! “

Louis smiled “ yeah, Let’s do it.. And let’s tell Niall and Liam too.. How is that? “

Harry smiled nodding again

Louis smiled at that “ okay now.. Finish your breakfast"

Harry smiled wider , and then he looked at Louis again  
“ really!!! “

“ really"

Louis was really happy seeing Harry so excited wearing his clothes, he didn’t stop talking about things he like to do once they reached the beach, it actually hurt Louis, Harry was really in need for this, and he missed it, but he was happy that he could noticed, he was happy that he could really made Harry happy.

They called Zayn and Gigi too, he wanted Zayn with him, he didn’t know what might happen with harry and he needed to make sure everything okay, call him selfish... But he was still worried.

At the beach, they spent so much fun, the weather was great, the sun was amazing, the light breeze that carries the sea smell, everything was wonderful.

They played beach volley ball, Harry and Gegi cheered for them, Harry for Louis and Niall team  
Gigi for Zayn and Liam, Louis's team won

Gigi and Zayn were swimming while Niall and Louis went for drink leaving Harry and Liam together

“ having a good time Harry.. “

Harry was looking at the sea in front of him, lying on a sea chair

“ very “

Liam smiled and looked in front too “yeah me too.. “

Harry then looked at him “ I want to swim “

Liam looked seriously at him, “ are you sure about that "  
Harry shrugged “ I don’t know, But we have two doctors here... And the hospital is not so far.. So..  
What could happen"

Liam looked at where Louis was standing with Niall waiting for their drink

“ do you think Louis will let you? “

Harry giggled “ no... That’s why I am doing it now.“

Then he left his seat and took off his shirt, he walked directly to the sea, and then he jumped.

Zayn who was playing with Gigi noticed him, and then he looked at Liam, Liam only shrugged

“ are you kidding me.. “ yelling Louis looking at the sea where Harry was swimming happily

Liam looked at him “ he is having fun Lou... I think you should let him"

Louis was getting angry, but when he saw how happy Harry was playing in the water with Gigi and Zayn, just like a little kid, he couldn’t help himself, he jumped in the water too, followed by Niall and Liam.

They had a great time, Harry was okay, well he got exhausted after nearly 15 minutes but those fifteen minutes were really enough for him, he needed that, and he was happy that finally Louis understood him, finally Louis gave him a day to remember

*****

Harry was waiting on the bed after having shower, he was trying to keep his eyes opened, he looked at the nightstand to put the book he was reading, but he saw his heart beat watch, he didn’t wear it this morning, he wanted to have fun, and he wanted to be a carefree for one day. 

Louis came out of the bathroom, he looked at him smiling

“ still up Hazza”

Harry smiled back “ was waiting for you.. “

The Louis lied on the bed beside him, “ God.. My back is killing me..”

Harry giggled, Louis looked at him “ did you enjoy? “

Harry’s eyes opened wide “ are you kidding me!! It was the best day ever. “

Louis smiled agreeing “ it was"

“ thank you Lou... You are the best"

Louis smiled widely “ Of course I am.“

Harry smiled “ thank you."

Louis smiled sincerely “ you are very welcome Harry... Anytime love. “

Harry kept his smile , and then he lied his head on the pillow

“ good night Lou bear. “

Louis giggled at the nickname “ good night Hazza.”

Louis was really happy, he was happy Harry was smiling, was having fun, he was happy Harry was moving without his Heart beat watch, he was gaining himself back

Louis was happy he could finally help  
*****

Three hours later  
Louis was holding his phone frantically dialling someone, he was looking at Harry shaking, he was hyperventilating and he felt his vision got blurred so quickly he moved the tears away 

“ Hello.. “

“Zayn.... It’s Harry. “ Louis said frantically looking at Harry, Harry looked sleeping peacefully 

“ what happened !!! . “

“ I... I do..i don’t know... But I can’t sense any pulse. “ his hand was on Harry's chest, his tears cascaded his cheeks 

He looked at Harry, who was lying beside him, like sleeping

“ help me Zayn.. “


	10. Chapter 10

This time Louis didn’t freak out, he stayed and performed CPR for long ten minutes, nothing changed and he was trying his best to stay calm, he felt he was angry, Harry wasn’t responding, and all he wanted was Harry to just respond,

The ambulance arrived after ten minutes, Louis didn’t lose hope, he was still believing that this wasn’t the end, that this wasn’t it, he instructed the paramedic, and gave him all about what happened, the paramedic completed Louis’s work, and they all got onto the ambulance, Louis called Zayn and told him everything, Zayn told him he will be waiting for them. 

Once they arrived the hospital, Zayn and Dr Bailey were waiting for them, they took Harry and they ran inside to one emergency room. 

Louis followed them and when they entered the room, he grasped Zayn s hand and said “ save him... “

Zayn only nodded, and disappeared inside the crowded room. 

Louis just sat in front of the room, looking down, and his mind was empty, he didn’t think of anything, just nothing, he just stayed there and prayed for God for any kind of help. 

Louis didn’t know how long he stayed there waiting, but when Zayn was right in front of him, very exhausted, Louis couldn’t explain his look, but he knew it wasn’t good

“ tell me he is alive...” first thing Louis said

Zayn nodded “ he is.“

Okay that was a good news... Right? But it didn’t feel right

“ it was a heart attack.. . his heart now is extremely affected.. His heart function is severely decreased. “

Louis was still looking down taking the information Zayn was giving him, it was bad he knew, no way Harry will come out of it like he was

“ so now what? “

Zayn took a deep breath “ we still don’t know.. But he needs that heart as fast as he can now.”

“ shit.. “

“ I will contact the transplant system again... I will inform them with his new updates."

Louis looked at him “ it’s that bad.. “

Zayn nodded “ it is... I am so sorry Louis. “

Louis nodded “ is he awake? “

Zayn shook his head “ no.. “

“ he wasn’t responding Zayn.. His heart stopped.. He stopped breathing. I shouldn’t let him go to the beach“   
he rubbed his face “ I am so stupid.. “

Zayn again shook his head “ that wasn’t your fault Lou.. He was happy.. “

“ look at him... That was my fault.. “

Zayn insisted “ not your fault.. It was gonna happen soon. “

“ well I make it sooner. Shit he is not gonna make it. “

“ stop... Just listen... What if you go home?"

Louis looked at him surprised, Zayn nodded “ he is not waking up till tomorrow.. You have a very busy schedule.. You need some rest. “

“ I NEED HIM TO BE OKAY.. “ he almost yelled

Zaynwas still calm“ I know... But this... Being angry at yourself Trust me it’s not helping... He needs you to be stronger for him for the next days. “

Louis calmed down, he stopped talking for a few minutes then he finally said

“ what if there wasn’t a heart Zayn... What will happen..“

But Zayn didn’t answer, and Louis didn’t have to ask again, he just kept his mouth shut, that’s all he could do. 

Louis did not leave the hospital, he stayed with Harry at his room, beside his bed, he didn’t want to sleep but he was very exhausted so slept anyway. 

Next thing he heard his names was being called

Louis... Louis... LOUISE.... LOUIS... LOU

Finally he opened his eyes, he jumped up from his chair, looking directly at the bed in front of him Harry was awake, looking at him, not on lying position, his back was slightly raised at thirty degree angel, looking extremely exhausted, face yellow, lifeless eyes, but he was smiling, and when their eyes met, he smiled wider

“ I am awake “ Louis said frantically 

“ finally. “Harry said weakly

Louis was confused, but he took his hand, and looked at the monitor beside Harry, then he took the chart with the other hand, when he read all what he wanted, he hugged Harry tightly, Harry raised his hand weakly and tapped his shoulder, Louis tried his best not to cry

“ I was trying to... Wake you.. “ Harry said slowly and weakly 

Louis looked at him smiling “ yeah.. Sorry love.. I must have lost it a little"

Harry still smiling “ for three hours. “

Louis looked at him confused  
“ you were dead sleep.. Everyone was here.. Checking on me.. “

Louis raised a brow “ was I..”

But Harry nodded, and then looked away “ I am sorry.“

“ for what? “

Harry didn’t answer, Louis just kissed his hand “ I was scared... But you are here. And alive..”

Harry nodded, still not looking,  
“ what happened?"

Louis didn’t know if he should answer that

“ I mean.. I know it was a.. Heart attack... But what happened before.. Did I.. Fainted.. Or.. What” Harry was breathing difficulty, Louis felt like talking was too much for him and it took all his energy away. 

Louis chewed his lower lip, then he started “ you were sleeping... Then You started to wheeze and   
Couldn’t breath... Then You had a shock.. And then fainted.. “

Harry nodded, then he finally looked at Louis “ it is bad Lou... I can feel it"

“ baby... Everything will be okay... Zayn is informing the system with your new episode... It means you will be at the top of the list... The new heart will be yours in no time.. “

Harry was looking at him with glassy eyes, “ I love you.. “

Louis smiled but his eyes stung, he was trying his best not to cry “ I love you too"

“ when? “

“ what? “

“ can I get the new heart.. “

Louis sighed “ Harry you know better than asking that"

" I don't want to die.. "   
Harry closed his eyes and the tears fell on his cheeks, but Louis just kissed his tears, then he whispered  
“ I am not letting you go Harry.. I refuse to let you go... And you should fight with me.. “ Harry only nodded

Louis watched Harry's eyes, and he had that awful feeling that the end was near, was too near and the idea alone panicked him. 

*****  
Louis had to start his work, had to do the rounds, to see patients, he Was supposed to work in the emergency department, he needed to focus, to clear his mind which was a battle for him, his full mind was with Harry, only Harry,

But when he had to examine room 3 for a possible broken arm, and once he saw the patient, everything stopped “ Mark? “

Yes it was Mark

Mark looked at him smiling “ day is getting better and better.. “

Louis looked outside the room “ anyone can take this case please, 

Mark louder “ hay Lou... Don’t be rude. Didn't you miss me,I know I missed you"

Louis looking at him still at the door waiting for anyone to take this stupid case as he was calling it in his mind  
“ good luck with that"

The he almost yelled “ anyone?"

No one was free, everyone was busy, it was a busy day, and he couldn't get any complaints right now, his work  
Wasn’t so good recently, and he was afraid really to get fired

Mark was still talking “ how is Harry? He is here that I know..”,

And now he looked at Mark  
“ how did you know? “

Mark smiled “ now I get you attention. It's strong.. What you two have.. . “

Louis getting closer yelling “ how? “

Mark lost his smile, still looking at Louis  
“ I told you Lou... If I can’t have you, No one will. “

Louis was already losing his mind, so with this he jumped on Mark, he punched him on the face, and when he was about to punch him again, someone carried Louis from behind and put him out of the room, he was so angry, frustrated, furious. 

“ you will pay for that you little whore... You and him you both will pay for that.. “Mark yelling from inside

Zayn who was now standing in front, preventing Louis from getting inside again

“ calm down... Calm down”

Louis finally stopped trying, he looked at Zayn, and then he left. 

Louis entered the bathroom, okay, he needed a break, time out, he entered a stall and closed the door behind him, leaned on the wall, and slid down the floor, it was too much, he was shaking, he was still angry, he was breaking down

“ Louis.. “ it was Zayn

He didn’t answer

“are you okay... What happened?"

Again nothing

“ will you be okay?"

Silence

Zayn was leaving, when Louis finally opened the door and headed towards the sink to wash his face,

“ I don’t know.. “

Zayn was watching his best friend, it was bad, losing your love is bad, losing your love while watching helplessly is awful,!.

“ what did he said.. “ Zayn asked

Louis washed his face, then he looked at the mirror, at Zayn's reflection 

“ he... I don’t know.. He mentioned Harry."

Zayn wad standing behind him “ please tell me he said something before you attacked him" 

Louis looked at him “ he knew about Harry.. He knew that he is here.. “

“ so?.. “

Louis didn’t move

“ God Louis... He is gonna sue the hospital And you attacked him because he mentioned Harry",

Louis took a deep breath, he felt Zayn was right, but he also was feeling worried, something was wrong, something wrong was going to happen ... That was what he felt.

When Zayn and Louis left the bathroom, a friend doctor told them that the head chief needed them. 

When they entered the boss office It was bad,  
He scolded, yelled, threaten, he was angry. 

He gave Louis two days off, he didn’t argue, he needed them, and he told him it was his last chance, one other mistake and he is out. 

He told them that Mark won’t sue the hospital, but Louis had to go to apologise to him, in front the doctors, and the nurses,  
Louis was going to refuse, But Zayn stopped him, and told the chief he would do it,

******  
At the stuff room, Louis was extremely angry, he refused to apologies, and they all were waiting for him in Mark's room. 

“ I will not do this.. I will kill him.I will fucking kill him.. I swear to God.. “

Louis said pacing the room

Zayn was watching him “ will you calm down.. “

Louis looked at him furiously “ you shut up. This is all your fault... I WILL NOT Apologise.. “

“ my fault?, I saved your ass there... You almost got yourself fired... You should thank me for that you idiot...”

Louis yelled “ he will hurt Harry. “

Zayn yelled back “ you don’t know that.. He didn’t say that"

Louis “ he said—”

“ I know what he said... He was angry... Of course he was... But he didn’t say anything about hurting Harry... So stop this and get your fucking shit together.. And let’s go and end this.. “, Louis stopped there

“ you don’t have any other option Louis... Let’s end this.. “

Louis took a deep breath “ I hate you.. “ and he was walking towards the door

Zayn smiling “ yeah I love you too..”

In Marks room, he was lying there, with a broken arm on a sling, and huge bruise on his left cheek and with busted lip

When Louis entered, he saw the chief was there, couple of doctors and nurses, when Mark saw him, he smiled,

Louis looked at them, then Zayn pushed him slightly,  
He tried to contain his anger, then he looked at Mark  
“I am sorry.. “

Mark was still looking at him “ for what exactly.. “

Louis looked at him angrily, Mark “ for attacking me... Or for using me.. Or for cheating on me... With a dying man “

And what!!!

They all looked at Mark confused

Mark smiled and he looked at the doctors  
“ that’s right... He was cheating on me for months, using me as his whore While he was with someone else.. You all know him Harry That cute curly head.. With a damaged heart.. "

Louis was this close from attacking him again,  
Mark “ he was sleeping with me at the night... And then.. “

“enough. “ it was Zayn

“ you asked for his apology.. He gave you it.He broke up with you grow old.. “

Then the doctors left the room, then Zayn tried to push Louis to move

“ can I have a word.. “ Mark said

“ no you can’t.. “ Zayn said leaving and pushing Louis outside

Mark smiled “ soon... We will talk soon then.. “

Louis and Zayn left the room, Louis couldn’t think of what was going on, he was angry, and he needed to be alone

So he left the hospital... Alone for a walk


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance

When Louis returned to the hospital, after a long walk, full pack of cigarettes, with two exhausted feet,  
He walked directly to Harry’s room, but when he opened the room, he didn’t expect to see Ed, Sam and Shawn there, Shawn was sitting beside him on the bed,  
while Ed sitting leg crossed at Harry’s feet. 

And they were singing, Harry was eye closed listening, the mood was perfect, when they saw Louis, he waved to them to continue, and so they did,

Ed was singing

Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul  
And it's the only thing that I know, know  
I swear it will get easier  
Remember that with every piece of you  
Hm, and it's the only thing we take with us when we die

Hm, we keep this love in this photograph  
We made these memories for ourselves  
Where our eyes are never closing  
Hearts were never broken  
And time's forever frozen still

So you can keep me  
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans  
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet  
You won't ever be alone  
And if you hurt me  
That's okay baby, only words bleed  
Inside these pages you just hold me  
And I won’t ever let you go  
Wait for me to come home Wait for me to come home

Then Ed smiled and tapped Harry’s foot  
“ come on Harry.. “

So Harry sang still closing his eyes,

Oh, you can fit me  
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen  
Next to your heartbeat where I should be  
Keep it deep within your soul  
And if you hurt me  
Well, that's okay baby, only words bleed  
Inside these pages you just hold me  
And I won’t ever let you go

And it hurt, it did, lots of memories, lots of feelings Louis was feeling right now, Harry did gave him a necklace when they were sixteen, it meant nothing at that time, or that at least what Louis used to think, he never lost it though, he kept it safe in his old wallet, never lost it, he was taking a look at it from time to time

HARRY remembered, Harry still remembered  
“ do you like it Louis? “

At mentioning his name, he came back to reality, he looked at them, and Harry was looking at him surprised

“ you came.. “ Harry said reaching his hand for Louis,  
Louis walked towards him and he took his hand,  
Then he looked at Ed who asked the first question  
“ I love it.. “

Ed smiled looking at Harry “ Harry wrote it.“

He looked at Harry “ he did? “

Harry smiled, Sam said “ he did three weeks ago... And Ed just finished it.”

Louis was still looking at Harry, who was smiling shyly now “ I love it.”

Harry looked at him “ thank you. “

Then the boys stood up “ where to? “ Louis asked

Ed was putting his guitar in the bag “ we have to go... Dr Malik gave us only 10 minutes”

Sam giggled “ we are here for a half hour. “

Louis smiled “ I am glad you came.“

Ed nodded, he looked at Harry “ we are glad he is fine.. “

Then he squeezed Harry’s leg “ get better soon Harry... We are waiting for you. “

Harry nodded smiling

Then Sam gave him a hug, so as Shawn who remained silent ever since he entered the room, and then Ed hugged him and said again

“ I mean it.. Get better soon Harry Styles.“

Then they left the room saying goodbye, Harry was watching them but Louis noticed the look on his face was different, it was mixed with sad and grateful. Louis didn't understand. 

When the door was closed

Louis smiled and said “ didn’t expect that. “

Harry nodded, Louis “ you told them? “

“ they would know eventually. “

Eventually... Louis didn’t like it

“ how did they take it? “

Harry shrugged “ they way they were supposed to take it... First shocked... Then trying to give me hope by telling me stories about other fatal health conditions not related to mine.“ he giggled

“ and then.. They tried to distract me by singing... Except for Shawn... He nearly didn’t speak. “, Louis nodded

“ where have you been? I have been asking for you “

Louis sat beside him “ sorry love.. I was Out for a walk... Had some trouble at work. “

Harry nodded “ what kind of troubles.“

Louis looked at him, and then smiled “ don’t bother.. Tell me.. How do you feel.”

Harry knew he was trying to change the subject, he didn’t push him, he already looked out of mood

“ Zayn and Dr Bailey were here... They told me I can’t leave the hospital Unless I have the new heart inside of me. “

Louis looked at him, he didn’t know that, he didn’t expect that

Harry sighed, then he looked at Louis “ Lou... May I ask you something.“

Louis nodded immediately “ anything love. “

Harry smiled, and then he rested his head back at the pillow

“ I want you to call mom... I want her to come. “

Louis was shocked “ come?.“

Harry nodded” please.. I need to see her”

Louis nodded, but he could not hide his concern “ but why baby? You know she is having a hard time with Robin.“

Harry nodded “ I know... It’s gonna be a tough year for her”

Louis whispered “ please stop talking this way.“

Harry closed his eyes, “ just call her... Tell her I want to see her.”

Louis didn’t talk, Harry opened his eyes “ please... I need you to do this. I just can’t be the one who gives her the call “, Louis only nodded, he would do whatever Harry wanted

He slowly nodded, Harry closed his eyes again saying  
“ good. “

He rasted his head on the pillow and closed his eyes, the he said " it was about you.. The song I wrote it for you."

Louis nodded, he just kissed his hand and whispered " I love it.."

It didn’t take more than five minutes and Harry was sleeping , Louis left the room, he was looking for Zayn, and when he couldn’t find him, he entered the intern room for some quiet.

He was under a lot of pressure, and he was too close from collapsing literally, had a lot in mind,  
Harry, Mark, studies, and his work wasn’t great,  
And of course calling Anne was the toughest,  
Telling a mom that her son was waiting for his death is tough, telling Anne that Harry was dying was unimaginable.

The call went exactly as he expected, lots of cry, lots of whys, sobbing, and finally she promised she would be there tomorrow. 

Louis sat there, alone he wanted to be alone, he wanted to think, his mind was overcrowded, but he was trying, then the door was opened and Zayn was there

" what are you doing here? I thought you went for some sleep."

Louis looked at him " sleep?."

Zayn just sighed deeply

Louis then pinched his nose bridge to distract maybe his headache " he can't leave the hospital?"

Zayn shook his head " his heart is very weak.."

Louis nodded " tell me anything about the heart."

" I am trying Lou.. You know these things need time.. "

Louis snapped at him" he doesn't have time.. He believes he is dying... He asked me to call him mom to see her off"

Zayn only nodded, he knew his friend didn't mean that, he was just worried, who wasn't, and who they were kidding? Harry was dying. Zayn patted his friend's leg and they stayed together on silence. 

******

When Louis entered Harry’s room again, harry this time was awake, sitting on the bed, when he saw Louis he smiled widely as usual,

Louis walked towards him, Harry patted the spot beside him on the bed, and Louis gladly sat there

“ did you call her? “

Louis nodded “ I did... She is... I don’t know.“

Harry nodded “ she feels it.“

Louis pressed his mouth shut, he didn’t want to hear Harry talking again about his soon coming death

“ when will she come? “

Louis sighed “ tomorrow.. “

Harry nodded “ good... That is good... I called Gemma.. She is also coming tomorrow.. And Perrie“

Louis had to bit his lower lip to stop himself from talking

“ Lou... Can I ask you another favour? “

Louis tried to smile “ you are getting used to it. “  
Harry smiled shyly

“ name it love.. “

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat he was looking at Louis in the eyes  
“ can you get me that paper.... On the table?  
“

Louis was confused at the start, but he looked beside Harry, on the table there really was a paper

Louis left the bed and held it, he was smiling at the suspense “ what is it love?“

Louis looked at the paper, and the smiled died, all the world actually died

“ what is this!!! “

The he looked at Harry, eyes wide opened, he was breathless, and no

“ you know what it is.. “ Harry whispered

Louis looked again, “ it’s a do not resuscitate order... Is it yours? “

Harry’s eyes were glassy now “ please. “

And now Louis gasped

“ oh my God! It is yours!!!“ he was looking at the paper  
“ that is your name.. “

Then he looked at Harry “ Harry what is this?“

Harry cried “ I don’t want to do it anymore. “

Louis yelled now  
“ what the fuck is this.?“

he was yelling, his eyes were full of tears, he was panicking now  
Harry startled at the high sound

Louis was still yelling “ do you understand what this is? ”,l he asked with shaking hands that he no more could control

Harry nodded, Louis continued “ do you know what It means? It means if your heart stops we can’t revive it, it means we let you die.. “

Harry was looking at Louis

“ Harry.. You do understand.. “ he said it but his voice betrayed his, his voi e cracked and Louis didn't finish his words 

Harry started “ I do... I know what it means.... Please.. It is the last thing I will ever ask you do it.. “

Louis looked at him confused “ ask me? “ he looked at the paper again,  
“ oh my God!!“ then he looked at him “ you want me to sign this? You want me to take this decision for you? “

“ I’ve already signed the paper... I just need you to speak for me to my family if they tried to override it “

Louis was looking at Harry unbelievabing him, he must lost his mind, Harry lost his mind

“ Lou.. Please.. “ Harry begged, even his eyes begged, the tears were now on his checks and he was wiping them

“ no..” Louis whispered, he looked down and his tears fell freely too

Harry closed his mouth, he kept staring at Louis 

“ I.. I can’t.... I.. No Harry... Please don’t “

Harry sighed “ you don’t understand.”

“ you want to die? “

“ I am dying Lou... Everyone knows that... Everyone is ready for that... You are the only one who do not want to.“

Louis looked at him, he wanted to yell at him but instead he cried “ stop saying this... You are not... We are waiting.“

Harry looked at him “ I’ve been in hospitals more than I can remember... This time is different... Everything is different.. I can’t breath, my heart is not working at all... My feet are swollen... I can't leave the hospital .. I don’t have the time to wait.. “

He wiped his tears away, he reached his hand for louis' hand “ please Lou... Don’t make it any harder.. This will make me happy. “

Louis shook his head in disbelief “ happy?, how is letting you die makes you happy.. “

“ because this is what I want... I want this to stop... All the suffer.. All your suffers... Your worries and concerns... All the feelings I am giving you all... I want this to stop.. “

Louis looked down, and didn’t talk, Harry was still reaching his hand for him 

Harry sighed " come here Lou.. “  
Louis didn’t move, he couldn't 

“ please.. “

Slowly Louis took Harry’s hand and again sat beside him

“ those last months.. I was the happiest.. Everything was perfect for me... I was happy.. You make me happy Lou.... And I think I’m ready”

Louis cried, he couldn’t hold the tears back anymore, he didn’t even care. He was saying goodbye and no Louis just couldn't now

Harry also was crying “ I know it’s hard... I know how do you feel... And I am so sorry Lou... But I am happy... And I want you to be happy too.. “

Louis looked at Harry, his love, his old best friend, and he felt broken, life was extremely unfair with them both,  
Harry kissed his hand, he wanted to hug him and never let him go, he wanted to fight death who was staring right at Harry's eyes waiting, just waiting to finish him and Louis was too scared, he wasn't scared like this before

“ I love you... You were always the one and only for me... And having you in my life is a blast. “

Louis tried to stop his quivering chin, tried to talk, but he couldn’t, this all was so much, the pain he was feeling in his chest was too much 

” please Lou... Don’t turn me down.“

Louis shook his head

“ please... I have no one else to ask.. I want it to be you“

“ please don’t make me do this.. “ Louis finally whispered 

He wiped his tears away “ I can’t let you go... Do you know how it will make me feel. I swear Harry I can't let you go it will kill me, it is killing me now"

Harry squeezed Louis' hand“ you will be doing what I want Louis... You will be doing your part. “

Louis cried “ please.. “

Harry cried too, then he cupped Louis face, and their both foreheads were touching, they were both crying  
“ this is what I want. “ Harry said

Louis sobbed harder, both their tears mixed together,  
“ this is what I want.. “ Harry said again

Louis cupped Harry’s face too, he wanted to feel him, to feel this was a true moment, to feel he was still here with him  
“ you are all I have.. “ Louis said, or begged, he felt maybe if death heard him he would let Harry go

“ and I can’t lose you.. “ he also said " please God, I can't lose him, don't take him too" 

Harry hugged him now, “ you will sign it Lou.. I know you will.“

Louis did not talk, because he knew he would do, he would sign the paper, he would let Harry die, Harry was dying, now he started to believe it

He left the room running, he wanted to absorb the minute, he rushed to the bathroom, locked himself in , and opened the toilet seat, he threw up all his guts, his all body was trembling, he was shaking like a leaf, it was too much, he was panicking alone on the bathroom floor 

when he stopped vomiting , he leaned on the wall, he wanted to scream, to protest, to yell and shout, and scream again, why......

and he cried

Cried.. Cried.. Cried

Then he put his hand on his pocket, and put out a small box, he opened it, and there was the ring he bought Harry hours ago, he watched the ring and he cried, he felt his chest was tighten on him, the pain was too much that it ached, he could not breath, the sadness was so much, everything was too much, But he had nothing to do so he cried

Cried... Cried... Cried


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter everyone

Louis couldn’t see Harry next, he couldn’t look at his eyes, he still couldn't believe he made him do this, he still didn't want to believe that Harry was actually dying and Louis who saves hundreds of lives stays handcuffed and can’t save the most precious one in his life. It hurt and he hated his life for this. 

the whole next day Louis didn’t enter Harry’s room, he didn’t even got closer, he was so scared to face him at the moment, because if he did then he would admit that Harry was actually dying and Louis was only waiting. he also didn’t leave the hospital, although he is suspended for the next two days, although the loads of studies he had, he never left, he couldn't even if he wanted. 

But At the middle of the day, he couldn’t keep himself away from Harry anymore, so he headed directly to his room, and there was Gemma sitting on the bed in front of Harry talking and he was laughing, When they saw him at the door, they both smiled at him, Louis noticed that they had the same smile. 

he walked to give Gemma a hug, she had changed a lot since he saw her last time, she became taller that was for sure, and now she was blonde, she was his classmate so he remembered how she looked back then, they weren’t close like he and  
Harry were, but he liked her and somehow always felt protective over her too. 

So when they hugged tightly, he felt her gasping in his lap and slightly shaking, and he knew she was trying to keep strong for Harry, she was holding a breath and finally she let it go in Louis' lap

“ I thought you went home... Where have you been? “  
Harry asked Louis. 

Gemma let go of him, and she excused herself for the bathroom, Harry watched her leaving but she avoided looking at him. 

Louis tried to lighten the mood “ she has changed.“

Harry looked at him and then nodded smiling

Louis sat at where Gemma was sitting  
“ how are you today? “

Harry smiled “ I think I am better... I am really happy that you and Gemma are here with me. “

Louis nodded, he took Harry's hand and kissed it

“ Perrie is on the way too. And mom is coming in hours ..” then he looked at him “ can you call  
Niall and Liam too? I miss them.“

Louis only had to nod, and no this wasn’t a goodbye Harry... You were not saying goodbye

“ I asked Zayn to bring Gigi But I believe there is something wrong with them. “

Louis frowned “ I remember him telling me something like that"

“ we have to fix that... They deserve each other.. “

Louis nodded again

“ who is else.?” Harry said thinking

“ oh Ed and the boys.. “ he said remembering

“ harry you just saw them yesterday “ Louis said

Harry nodded “ yeah... We had a great time.“

“ what are you doing.. “ Louis had to ask

Harry looked at him, Louis tried to his his nervousness and tried to smile “ you are having a party or something? “

Harry smiled “ no... I just want to see them"

Louis bit his lower lip, you were not saying goodbye harry Styles

Then Louis looked at him again, Harry was looking back  
“ Lou... Will you be okay.?“

Louis shook his head “ don’t.“

“ but Lou-"

“ I am warning you... Don’t you dare start” he was looking at Harry warning sternly, but tears suddenly formed in his eyes uncontrollably 

Harry sighed and nodded, he looked at his lap  
“ can I ask you something? “

Louis’s heart skipped a beat, Harry’s requests had became painful lately, “ no.. “

Harry looked at him and giggled “ no?.. “

Louis smiled back “ you are scaring me“

Harry shrugged “ I just wanted a kiss. “

Kiss

Louis shook his head in disbelief “ unbelievable.. “

Louis noticed Harry’s spirits were very high today, and he had seen this before with patients who were at Harry’s place, this close from death, when they suddenly gain power, wanted to talk, to laugh.. To kiss

Pre- death rally

Louis closed his eyes, and he kissed Harry, but he couldn’t help it, he felt tears were on his cheeks now, on Harry’s cheeks too, then Harry looked at him  
“ it’s okay.. “

It was not okay, why couldn't he get that, why couldn't he understands that him dying would also kill Louis, would crash him down. 

Again Louis thought about the ring in his pocket, he touched it, he was going to talk when the door was opened and Dr Bailey with Zayn entered

They walked smiling towards Harry, and for a second Louis had that feeling back, hope. he looked at Zayn immediately, but Zayn must had understood his friend, because he slightly shook his head. 

Louis left the bed, and Dr Bailey was talking friendly to Harry, she looked at his chart, his vitals on the monitor,  
“ everything seems okay Harry, do you feel okay? “

He smiled nodding “ I feel better.. “

She nodded and looked back at the charts “ we will need to do some more tests, is that okay? “

Harry looked at her “ today? “

“ of course “

Harry bit his lower lip, and she knew he had something to say

“ is there a problem? “

Harry looked at Louis and then at her “ my family are coming today so as my friends, and I kinda wanted do spend the whole day with them without any distraction “

Louis looked at Harry shocked “ Harry.. “

Harry ignored him and was looking at the doctor with pleading eyes, she finally surrendered

“ okay, we will do them at the middle of the night.. Even if you are asleep we will wake you up”

Louis looked at her unbelieving, while Harry simply thanked her

“ are you serious.!!“ Louis asked Dr Bailey “ it wouldn’t take much, You are risking his life to stay with his friends, they can wait.“

Dr Bailey and Zayn looked at him,, “ I am sorry, who gave you the right to interfere in my job? Did you forget who you are?” she said sternly 

Louis was getting angry “ this is not interfering.. He is my boyfriend.. And-” he stopped when he felt Harry’s hand on his

Harry said looking at his doctor “ I am so sorry Dr Bailey... I just gave him a hard time”

She looked at Harry nodding, then she looked back at Louis

“ I know you are worried Louis but I also know what I am doing “

Harry pressed tightly on Louis’s hand “ we are sorry doctor” Harry said again

Louis just left his hand, and he left the whole room, but Zayn followed him. 

Zayn was angry, or he wanted to be tough so he can put reason back in his mind

“ what the hell was that!! “ Zayn asked angrily

Louis was leaning on the wall in front Harry’s room  
“ how could you talk to her like that.p“ but when he saw Louis’s eyes he melted

“ what happened? “

Louis wiped his tears away “ he is dying.. “

“ he is okay. “ Zayn said monotonously

Louis shook his head “he is dying Zayn, he knows and it is so scary, and I can’t do this, I don’t know how I signed this but I can’t “

Zayn confused “ signed what? “

Louis looked shocked at him “ you don't know? he made me sign a do not resuscitate order.. He even stopped his ICD, so if his heart stopped there is nothing to do, how come you don't know that? "

Zayn shook his head in disbelief" I don't, but I am sure doctor Baily knows and he asked her not to tell me, that's why she has been acting wierd with me about his case"

Louis then looked at him “ I can’t.. I was going to propose and he then brought this to me.. “

Zayn was terribly shocked “ oh Lou!! "

He came closer, and he hugged him tightly, he tried to calm him down, but he knew this wasn’t going to work, he knew his friend was falling apart, and there was nothing he can do about it. 

Louis saw Perrie was getting there, to Harry’s room smiling wide as usual, then he remembered he promised to call Niall and Liam, so he called Niall,  
He asked him to come, told him Harry wanted to see them, and Niall said they were on their way, and again Louis was angry, they all were accepting that Harry was dying, they all were okay with that, except for him. 

Anne was sitting with her son now, and all the people Harry cared about also were there, so as Louis, but Louis was off he was not talking, barely responding, it hurt Harry, but he didn’t know how to make him okay, how to make him believe. 

Louis wanted to distract his mind, it was painful, Harry was lying on his bed, between his mom and sister, Perrie sitting at his feet,   
Niall, Liam, and Zayn and Gigi sitting around, Louis was leaning at the window, and trying to hold back the tears, he knew harry was watching him from time to time, and from time to time he was trying to smile to him, but Harry was worried about him, Louis knew that. 

He excused for a smoke, and he walked outside the whole hospital, he couldn’t take it anymore, he felt his heart was going to explode, he wanted to breath again. he sat at the seat in front of the hospital entrance, and he started smoking, again thinking about the ring in his pocket

“ Louis.. “

Louis looked at the one who was calling his name, it was Anne

She was looking at him smiling

He hastily turned off the cigarette, he couldn’t stand up

“ what happened? “

She smiled at him, and then she sat beside him  
“ relax.. I just need to talk to you “

"I am so happy to see you again Louis. When he first told me I couldn't believe my ears. You were too close and leaving really crashed him back then" 

Louis nodded, she took a deep breath “ I want to say thank you"

He didn’t expect that at all

“ I’ve never seen my son that Happy, although he is not okay, but he is happy, and I know he was happy ever since he met you again.“

Louis nodded, but also looked down, he couldn’t talk,  
She looked at him

“ he always loved you. Even before he knew, he loved you”

Louis smiled “ I always loved him too, I mean I am and I always will “

She nodded “ I know, but... He is worried about you”

Louis looked at her, she said “ I know my son, he is so worried about you”

“ he shouldn’t.. “

she closed her mouth, then she dried the tears “ he is dying.. I know, he knows, his sister knows, we all feel this”

“ we are still waiting for the heart, he will he fine..”

She smiled and then patted his thigh “ he is Happy with this, he is okay, and I can’t be more grateful for you, you make my son happy, you make him accepting his death peacefully, and that.. That also makes me understand, it makes me take it peacefully too, My son is dying and it is okay.. “ she uttered the last word crying

He hugged her, and he also cried  
“ i am sorry.. I can’t save him , I let him down “

she cried on his shoulder, hugging him tightly “ you make him happy, you should be proud of yourself, you did all you can to make him happy, you didn’t let him down, this is not your fault”

Louis nodded, she pulled away, and then she kissed him on his cheek

“ Let’s get back, we don’t wanna miss any minute..”

He nodded, then he told her, he would follow, he needed to do something first. 

*****  
Harry was lying on bed with his mom, all the others were busy talking to each other, she was playing with his curls

“ he will be there.. “ she said when she saw him looking at the door for the tenth time

Harry looked at her and then smiled, somehow, he was suddenly exhausted, weak, pale, he got that feeling that he hadn't much left

She kissed his hand “ he is a good man, and he will be here.“

Again he nodded “ I am sorry mom. “

She smiled and then she lied her head on his “ I love you son.. I want you to know that.“

Then there was music played outside, someone was playing guitar, Harry knew that song

They all were looking at each other in confusion, then door was open opened, and a huge red bouquet showed, then LOUIS’S FACE smiling at a Harry  
followed by Ed, Sam and Shawn, Ed and Sam on their guitars,

LOUIS was singing

Well, I found a man stronger than anyone I know  
He shares my dreams, I hope that someday we'll share a home  
I found a love to carry more than just my secrets  
To carry love, to carry children of our own  
We are still kids, but we're so in love  
Fightin' against all odds  
I know we'll be alright this time Darling, just hold my hand  
Be your love, you'll be my man  
And I see my future in your eyes

‘ Harry was watching them crying’)

Well, baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms  
Barefoot on the grass while listening to our favorite song  
When I saw you in that dress looking so beautiful  
I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight

When he finished, he walked directly to Harry who was watching him with glassy eyes, and a runny nose, he kissed him on his forehead, he gave Harry the large bouquet, And then whispered, “ I love you.“

Then he bent on his knee, and they all were shocked, including Harry

Harry looked at him confused, heart beating fast, and he prayed for his heart not to stop at this  
moment

Then Louis put out that small red box from his pocket, Harry’s mom cried hard, and Gemma was beside her hugging, looking at Louis and Harry smiling

Louis opened the box, and Harry saw the ring, no he wasn’t dreaming, yes this was the truth, he looked at Louis’s eyes who never stopped looking at Harry

“ Harry Edward Style... Will you be my man. “

Harry covered his face crying, then Louis stood up and kissed his forehead

“ are you sure?“ Harry said

Louis “ of course love.. “ he was in tears too

“ there is no future for us“

Louis nodded, “ I told you, I don’t care, if future means next three years, or thirty.. Or next three days, or hours, this would be our future.. “

Harry closed his eyes, nodding, crying his tears, Louis then put the ring in his finger, then he kissed his hand, Harry looked smiling at him, and then he looked at his mom, who slowly nodded smiling, trying to hold back her tears, then Gemma walked and kissed her brother and gave him a tight hug.

All the room clapped and screamed, Ed and Shawn sang and they all were dancing, and when Ed started soft tune, Louis reached his hand for Harry

And Harry happily took it, and slowly he stood up, and weakly he surrounded his hand around Louis, Louis held him from the waist ready to carry him if anything went wrong, and slowly they danced.

Harry rested his head on Louis's shoulder, hugging Louis tightly

Louis whispered thank you to his hears, and Harry smiled, he was ready, they both were ready now.   
All the room turned into ballroom. 

They all were dancing, Zayn and Gigi, Niall and Gemma, Perrin and Liam, mom and Sam, and of course Harry and Louis. 

ED and Shawn sang two other songs, then they decided to stop and leave the room, Harry needed some rest, and he wanted some sleep, he asked Louis not to leave his side, and Louis didn’t argue, only nodded and lied beside him on the bed. 

******  
And it happened in the midnight

Anne and Gemma had to leave to get some sleep, after giving Harry a tight long hug, the three of them hugged for a long hug, and again Harry felt home, like old days. 

Gigi and Perrie also had to leave, it was getting late, Niall and Liam left for work, Harry’s friends left too after wishing them a good tight night and sweat dreams. 

Only Harry and Louis were left alone in the room, Harry didn’t want Louis to leave, and Louis didn’t want to leave anyway. 

They were watching TV, but Louis felt Harry’s eyes were on him

He was sitting beside him on the chair, he looked at harry and smiled, Harry smiled too, he looked different, very week, very pale, sweaty. 

Louis came closer and sat beside him on the bed  
“ are you okay? “ he started

he knew he wasn’t okay

Harry didn’t answer, he just raise his hand, and Louis took it in his hands, Harry was still looking at Louis,  
Louis looked at him and then he shook his head, tears fill his eyes, he knew what was happening, Harry was leaving, now. 

Harry nodded, and slowly smiled “ it will be okay..”

Louis kissed his hand, and looked at his eyes  
Harry whispered  
“ I love you... “

Louis couldn’t talk, he only nodded

Harry again said weakly “ promise.. Me”

“ anything.. “

“ you will be okay.. “

Louis begged him at this“ don’t leave me Harry... Please”

Harry smiled “ I am happy.. “

And then he closed his eyes, Louis was watching him, and then he heard the peeps coming from the heart monitor beside him, he still didn’t cry, he watched Harry, and Louis full body was shaking now, he looked again at the monitor, nothing, no heartbeat

“ please.. “ he whispered

Still holding Harry’s hand, “ please. “

Nothing

Then the door was opened, coming Zayn and Dr Bailey, and a nurse, they saw Louis and Harry

Zayn sighed and walked closer to his friend, but he cried 

Dr Bailey rushed to him “ what do you want us to do.. “  
She asked Louis

Louis was looking at Harry, tears on his cheeks,  
Zayn “ Louis.. “

Louis still looking at Harry, at his Harry, and then he shook his head, he looked again at Harry and he called  
“ Harry.. “

Nothing

Dr Bailey looked at the monitor, and then she looked at Harry, and at Louis, she squeezed Louis shoulder, and she walked away

Zayn also did the same, and walked away

Louis was still looking at Harry, crying now  
“ God... Oh God”,

He cried, saying oh God, trying to calm himself, stopping the fast breathing, but nothing changed, he wanted to scream, eventually, he buried his face at Harry’s chest and screamed, and cried

He is dead, Harry is dead. 

******

It took Louis a week to sleep again without seeing Harry dying again in his dreams, without waking at the middle of the night screaming Harry’s name. 

Zayn, Niall and Liam didn’t leave his side, didn’t leave him alone, they stayed, and took good care of him

It took him three weeks to start his life again, go back to hospital, to study. 

And it took his six weeks to stop crying, he used to cry every time he was alone, when he was eating, when he was sleeping, when he was studying, he cried a lot, and he didn’t try to stop himself. 

He was wearing Harry’s ring and he never stopped touching it, somehow, it made him breathe okay. 

He got the package he asked his sister to send him last weak, it arrived today, just at the morning,  
He took the package, and he walked to his kitchen, and put it at the middle of the table, he sat on the chair, and looked at it. 

Then slowly he opened the package, and there was his wallet, his old wallet, he opened it slowly, and he sae it. 

Louis’s breaths hitched, he closed his eyes, was he ready...

He wasn’t

But he had to, he put out the necklace Harry got him when he was sixteen, he held it in his hand, he looked at it, he hugged it, and then he put it on his neck, and slowly he walked to the living room, where there was his lap top. 

He pressed play on a song he prepared, and his voice filled the place, Harry’s voice. 

When they were singing “ photograph “

And when Harry’s part started, Louis touched the necklace and parted his lips, and sang with Harry, closing his eyes. 

And for a minute he saw Harry, sitting in front of him on the couch, he was so handsome, healthy, wearing a tuxedo, then he stood up, he held Louis’s hand, and he pulled him towards his chest, and they danced together, no words was said, just dancing

Then Harry whispered “ you will be okay. “

When the song was finished, Louis opened his eyes, and again he was alone, but this time, he was smiling,  
He will be okay, he knew that, and he believed that too He will be okay.

The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the end, I know it is sad but at least he was happy


End file.
